Visions by Michelle

Right Before Your Very Eyes

2012-01-10T04:24:00.000-05:00

The summer after my Senior year of high school was spent in my house awaiting my prince charming. The only thing that I hadn’t figured out was who my prince really was. You see I was dating a guy who went to visit his father every summer on the West Coast. For weeks I found things to do to occupy my time. Having a love for photographs I made several albums, little did I know I was a scrapbooker! Having been with the boy every waking hour I guess I lost touch with my girlfriends because I never had time for them. So I was paying the price and felt very alone. Now being a parent of a high school girl I realize that this must have drove my parents crazy watching their daughter waste her summer before she left for college.

One day my parents were going to my father’s Electrical Union picnic at Lenape Park. They said, “Come on Shell you need to get out of this house”. Reluctantly I went with them and was disappointed because I knew no one at the picnic. Luckily the park was employed by many of the kids that I went to school with. I went down to the docks and saw that they were taking people for tube rides. Two of my friends were the drivers so they invited me to come on the boat. What fun we had trying to flip the people off of the tubes. Then we played volleyball and ate like crazy. I couldn’t imagine that all of this fun was less than a mile from my house and I never knew it.

As the summer continued I got a call from my boyfriend that he wasn’t coming home. At the time you couldn’t have told me that things happen for a reason, I was so very upset that my boyfriend would leave me for an entire summer. As an adult I realize how selfish I was to be upset when he was only trying to spend time with his father. Having experienced such fun in my heart I knew that I couldn’t waste more time locked away in a castle like Rapunzel. Many days were spent at the park and with the people who worked there. We water skiied, played volleyball, went to the OC Boardwalk and became hockey and golf pros (Air and miniature).

One of my friends from high school was a boat driver at the park. We shared a locker in school. I’m not really sure that we were assigned partners but I took over his because his Mom sent in Pop Tarts and we weren’t allowed to have sugar in our house. Somehow we naturally gravitated to one another. We were lab partners in Chemistry and Physics. I remember our teacher RT Glenn saying to us, “Don’t forget to invite me to your wedding”. Getting along like brother and sister we looked at each other and Mr Glenn in disbelief. We always had fun but it was a competitive and sarcastic fun. There truly are no coincidences in life. What I was looking for was right before my very eyes the entire time and I didn’t see it. It was awkward for our mutual friends but they adjusted and many of them were in our wedding six years later.

Before we married we had several “contracts” The first was when we bought a boat together and the second was our dog, Maverick. The third was when we bought a house at an auction and fixed it up together. My proceeds went into the bank and his went towards my engagement ring. Sometimes I wonder if he would have proposed to me if I was patient enough to wait for him to ask. Together we created beautiful things most notably our daughters, Taylor and Charley. This year we will celebrate 25 years together. if you were to ask George he would say, “It feels like 50”. I hope that he means that it feels longer because we have known each other since Pee Wee football with the Lakers. In the end it really doesn’t matter, what is important is that I was rescued from the tower by my prince. Today he continues to be our hero.

Happy Birthday Hon, I love you. Thank you for always taking care of us and being our strength, the voice of reason.

The Perfect Family

2012-01-03T05:15:00.000-05:00

When George and I decided that we wanted to have kids I quietly dreamed of the perfect family. In my mind I thought it would be great to have twins, a boy and a girl, an instant family. That obviously is not what happened and I wouldn’t change what did for the world. To me my family is perfect. I think that this must be common as my parents longed for a boy to complete their family. The name that was picked out for me was Michael which was quickly changed to Michelle. Although I think they were happy with two girls they still longed for a boy. As a result we were blessed with an exchange student from Brazil named Maurice and a brief adoption of a young boy named Gary. Maurice returned home and Gary’s Aunt wanted him back so our time having a brother in our home seemed limited. The reality is that when you have a small family you tend to “adopt” people.

While growing up there weren’t many days that I spent away from my “brother”. As the youngest in the neighborhood we stuck together, it was an instant bond. We walked to the bus together and spent almost every summer day side by side. Like every true family we have had our ups and downs but through it all I know that he will always be by my side. Honestly, he seems to be more upset about my diagnosis than I am. However I wouldn’t trade with him as the struggles that he has faced seem so much more difficult than mine. One of the things that probably helps us get through it is to know that if either of us picked up the phone the other would be there.

Today I celebrate my forever friends birthday. I’m grateful that my surgery seems to have left my long term memory alone. Summer days spent together playing board games, our annual swim across Lake Lenape, ice skating, water skiing, bomb fires, jail break, and that wasted summer locked in the house mesmerized by Atari. His Mom was one tough lady, I must have really enjoyed spending time with him to persevere. We were forced to sit at the table and eat raw London Broil and she wasn’t falling for any of the classic tricks. So we improvised, held our noses and washed it down with Sprite. Thank goodness she never found out about us lighting the Matchbox cars on fire with her Aqua Net or burning the frogs leg in my Susie Bake Oven. Actually, I think that she grew to like me as she taught me about gardening and planting bulbs. Maybe that is why I love to garden. There are several memories that I hope are never taken from me. When we were younger almost every day was Halloween. His Mom would dress him in a new uniform. My family got so excited to see who he would come to the door as each day. Oh how I wish that I had a camera then. One year we competed in the annual canoe race and won. When the Mayor announced our names he said “Carl and Michael”, how fitting was that? One memory that I wish I could forget was my softball debut. We rode our bikes to tryouts and he watched in the stands as I demonstrated that my name was truly Michelle and not Michael. The ball came to me in the outfield and I didn’t know what to do with it. He yelled from the stands throw it. So I threw it underhanded straight up into the air. The town was still fairly small so I made the team anyway. If I ever forget these memories than he will know to take me to a doctor immediately. He was in our wedding and is our oldest daughters God Father.

My wish for my “brother”, my forever friend, is to find the gift of peace. It is the gift that I wish I could give to everyone. Please don’t wait until you are faced with your own mortality to realize that you have so very much to be grateful for. Focus on what is right in your life not was is wrong. All of us are faced with daily struggles. When you go to vocalize them, stop and count to ten. Remind yourself of the things that you are blessed with. At minimum I hope that you have your health, a roof over your head, a pillow to rest your head on and your family. Remember, your family is bigger than you think.

Happy Birthday Carl, I love you big brother!

My Mother's Gift

2011-12-04T06:54:00.000-05:00

The Christian Christmas Challenge is no easy task but I must say it is proving to be enjoyable. You can tell me all the reasons why you can’t do it but truthfully you may be having difficulty because you can’t let go of the “traditions” that you were raised with.

My oldest daughter Taylor has never been the Christmas list type. I suppose it is because we didn’t encourage her to be. My Grandfather and mother instilled a gift in me greater than any material item ever could. Time spent together as a family and giving those people a place to go that are alone at the holidays are what to treasure.

We never had piles of gifts under the Christmas tree. There may have been something that we truly wanted and were surprised with, I remember my roller skates with the yellow wheels in particular. We were also given money so that we could take advantage of the after Christmas sales. Throughout the year when we needed something we were able to buy it if we could pay half for it with the money that we received for working in our home. This taught my sister and I how to budget and a work ethic.

The true meaning of the holidays however came from my Mom opening our home to anyone who had no where to go on Thanksgiving or Christmas. My mother was never a gourmet cook however she always made an excellent holiday meal, the best cole slaw you will ever taste! My Mom’s side of the family would come to our home and we had one long table so that every one could have a sit down dinner. Some years it extended through the dining room and living room. This continued for most of my childhood. When we got older we decided to run away to Florida to escape the holiday race and NJ cold. Although it is just our immediate family in Florida now we do include anyone who needs a home for the holiday. However while writing this I realize that I do miss our old NJ traditions, maybe next year my family will consider braving the NJ cold.

Family traditions are hard to change and I would encourage you to take a deep look at yours. Keep the meaningful ones and don’t be afraid to do something different and change the ones that don’t represent the reason for the season. As we get older we get more set in our ways and sometimes lose sight of why. Maybe it is a child who needs to speak up to tell their family what is important to them and why. I am willing to bet that if truly given the choice a child would prefer time spent with their parents without distractions, one on one making a snowman, playing a board game, letting go of all of your worries and just having fun. Rather than one more thing that they really only want because they are conditioned to make a list and circle items in a Toys R Us flyer that they saw on TV.

I’m not sure who really reads my blog, if any of you are younger would you do me a favor and find the courage through Christian Clopp’s story to tell your parents the truth. If you were to lose someone in your family tomorrow what would be your regret, that you didn't get to spend more time with them or that you didn't exchange a material gift? Stop the cycle of consumerism. Do you realize that your parents have to work to pay credit card bills to fund Christmas for you? Tell them what you truly value and help your family break the cycle. YOU have the power to make the change in your family tradition. Take a chance, be vulnerable and talk to your parents, peel down the layers of your protective shield and speak from your heart. If you need help you are welcome to inbox me or text me and I will do my best to talk you through it. 609-226-0438.

Christian Christmas Challenge

2011-12-02T11:48:00.003-05:00

What is the reason for the season?
Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit Christian Clopp at CHOP. Walking through that hospital you instantly have a new perspective. When you are faced with a life threatening disease a shift in your priorities comes very quickly. You realize that the greatest wealth is health. You begin to focus on what is right about your life rather than what is wrong. The Clopp’s have been strong enough to share their story with us and that is a gift that we should embrace not fear. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, we tend to not talk about our mortality because it is a fear that none of us want to face but all will eventually. When a young child is effected I have to admit that I too struggle with that harsh reality. I realized that although we may never know why this is happening you can’t deny that his story has touched so many lives and created many positive transformations. The challenge is will you make permanent changes in your life as a tribute to his.

We all have a story, challenges we are facing and sometimes life just seems too difficult. You may look at Christian's family or me as "crazy" because our adversity gives us appreciation. For us, it is our relationship with Jesus that gives us that strength. He holds our hand and guides us on the days when we are weak. For me, when I focus on the past or the future I get crazy. When I stay in the moment and focus on today it is truly a “present” because I can smile and be happy. The hardest part of coming to terms with my brain cancer is realizing that the control that I had over my life was just an illusion. The truth is that the only thing that I can control is how I react to things. The mind is an amazing thing, what you chose to focus on will be your reality. So when your eyes open each morning, lay in bed for a few moments longer and thank God for everything that is right in your life rather than focusing on what is wrong. Through Christians experience you should realize that you and your families health will be at the top of the list. Then hopefully you have a roof over your head and a job. Sadly those are things that many people today have lost.

Christmas is a beautiful time of year and we all celebrate in different ways. One thing I think that we all can agree on is that consumerism has taken over and we have lost the true reason for the season. Does giving really have to mean buying? Do you remember what you received for Christmas from Aunt Sally last year? What are your favorite holiday memories as a child? It is to be hoped that it was a special moment or tradition not a toy. A blog that I enjoy following has issued a challenge for this holiday season - The No New Gifts Holiday Challenge. Here is a link to the details

http://zenhabits.net/humbug/

In honor of Christian Clopp I challenge you to make changes in your life today, start new holiday traditions and stop the cycle of consumerism for our children. Teach them the true reason for the season, believe me it doesn’t have anything to do with “stuff”. Are you ready to accept the Christian Christmas Challenge and make permanent changes in your life as a tribute to his?

Do You Have a Minute To Help ?

2011-11-29T07:28:00.001-05:00

In life sometimes we are told things aren’t possible. But the reality is that you truly can do anything. Do you remember what you wanted to be as a child? Charley wants to be a rock star, artist and most recently a cruise director. With her vibrant personality and creativity there is absolutely no reason that she can’t do any of these things. At what point in life do we lose our childhood dreams? How can we encourage our children that anything is possible and to follow your passion. Then your career won’t feel like a job.

The high school that I graduated from, Oakcrest High School is an old school that doesn’t even have air conditioning however they do have something unique, an amazingly diverse and talented group of students with spirit inspired by their coach, Doug Cervi. We live in a small town and many of the students today are 3rd generation attendees. We could have sent our daughter to a private school however she wanted to go to Oakcrest. We agreed on the condition that she do well. She has exceeded our expectations academically and athletically, which is truly exceptional because she is supposed to be in 8th grade. Today is her birthday, she will turn 14 and we are so very proud of her accomplishments but more importantly the person that she has become. Her faith, ability to make people smile and beauty that is so much more than skin deep combine to make her special. I know that I am biased but I think that there are others who certainly would agree.

She has been asking me to vote every day for her school in a contest between high schools sponsored by Under Armour. They currently are ranked #8, and as one of our friends reminded me we are 30,000 votes away from Mainland, the affluent school in our County who is ranked #1. It's honorable but she doesn’t think that we can make it up in a few days. I could give up based on that comment but if I were easy to quit I might also succumb to brain cancer. Being a PHYtER I can’t help but try to compel others to show todays children than they can make a difference. To encourage them to go all out and shoot for their dreams no matter how unrealistic they might seem to someone else. So today and for the next two mornings I am pleading with you to take a one minute to vote for Oakcrest High School in Mays Landing NJ. And if you could share this message on your page it would be fantastic. The winner gets $140,000 in uniforms that we could definitely use in addition to air conditioning. But more importantly you will be sending a much deeper message to today’s youth. If you have trouble voting, call me and I will walk you through it. 609-226-0438. And by the way, do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up?

To vote you can either click on the link Oakcrest High School above or use this one Vote Here

My Thanksgiving Resolution

2011-11-27T07:21:00.000-05:00

“How was your Thanksgiving?” “It was great, how about yours?” “Fabulous!” Really?

Why is it that we are nicer to strangers than we are to the ones that we love the most?

This year we celebrated Thanksgiving on a cruise. My thoughts were that it would be an opportunity for our family to see the world together. Unfortunately I forgot to consider that I get seasick, claustrophobic and don’t function well with an itinerary. Overall it still was an excellent experience but I do have several regrets. The main one is my inability to be vulnerable with those that I love the most. Thanksgiving morning I thought about everything that I was grateful for and had a beautiful toast to share at dinner. However when the moment came I backed down. For some reason it is easier for me to express myself with the written word as opposed to face to face. I’m sure there is a psychologist who can private message me why that is. My Thanksgiving prayer was to go something like this....

“Thank You God for our beautiful life and for the trials that we have experienced this year to learn to appreciate it. I am thankful for my husband George who stepped out of his comfort zone to please me by going on this cruise when I know he would prefer to be on a quiet island relaxing. It is exemplary of what he has been doing for our family every day. He has stepped up and taken on a completely new career and is doing exceptional. His strength and voice of reason is nothing short of heroic. Taylor said it best in her poem that he is the soil that holds us together in our garden. I’m thankful for my Daddy, for teaching me to love and laugh and to listen closely to your body. I’m thankful to my Mom for teaching us to be strong, giving us a work ethic and the ability to make good financial decisions. I’m thankful for my daughter Taylor who has taught me more about life than I feel I have taught her. Every day she makes me proud, an excellent student and an amazing athlete but more than that she is pretty on the inside. With a 9 year age gap people often consider the second child to be a whoops baby but I know that there are no coincidences in life. God knew the challenges that we would face and realized that we needed a reason to wake up and be strong every day. I am thankful for my Charley girls beautiful smile and sparkling eyes. Her innocence that helps me to see life’s true treasures in all their simplicity.”

It is how I truly feel but choked when it came to expressing it at our dinner table ~ sad but true. The DreamWorks characters were on our ship, all of our favorites. The characters from Shrek and Madagascar. If you have never watched Shrek you should it is an amazing story and luckily has adult humor too. When Taylor was little George and I always found ourselves watching the end of these kid’s movies even after she had fallen asleep. Shrek the Ogre proceeds to tell Donkey (Eddie Murphy) that Ogres are like onions. I think that we all are. We have layers of “stuff”, every time that we have a negative interaction in life we put up another layer afraid to be vulnerable. What I have found is that the more layers I peel away the more receptive people are to me because many times they can relate to what I am expressing. My personal belief of why we are nicer to strangers than we are to those closest to us is because we have too many layers built up over the years to feel comfortable being vulnerable with those who know us best.

On a cruise ship this is extremely apparent. My father has always been so very personable and for those who know him you probably have heard his contagious laugh. It is as if he is doing research for an autobiography about everyone he meets. Personally I love it, when I’m around him I’m reminded of the days that we travelled together when I was in high school. We learned so much about the culture, not from the tours but from really talking to the people who live there. You don’t have to go any further than the taxi driver, waiter, housekeeper or other passengers to get a glimpse of other cultures and if you are lucky to learn something about yourself through the experience.

Maybe Thanksgiving and Christmas are so close together so that we are given a second chance. This year I have a Thanksgiving Resolution, to walk the walk. My Mother often reminds me that it is easy to talk the talk but I have to learn to walk the walk. As George says, “Hon it’s time to turn the page”. What is your Thanksgiving Resolution?

Life Lessons in Kindergarten

2011-11-17T03:43:00.001-05:00

Today I experienced the best gift of my holidays. I attended an Open House at the school without the distractions of my job. Lately I have been worrying so much that I am not enjoying my life. When I function under the illusion that I am actually in control of the future I struggle. God has a plan and I need to allow it to unfold. I almost didn't go but then I got myself together and had the best morning in a long, long time. Having worked my entire life I never knew what this experience felt like. For the working Mom's I'm sorry if this post will make you sad, I know how you feel. For the at home Mom's, treasure your blessing.

Charley and her Kindergarten classmates are learning to read and write. Todays lesson was about predictions, I got to be her reading partner. Ms Steelman taught us that it isn't about rushing through the book it is about enjoying it. Thinking about what might happen next and discovering if you were right or wrong. It's ok to be wrong you just have to enjoy it. I thought that this paralleled life and then when we began to read our book together the message got stronger. Our book was called The Shy Scarecrow. I asked Charley what her prediction was based on the cover. She said "well Mommy he is a scared scare crow but I think that he is going to get brave because there is always a happy ending". Charley's prediction was correct, The farmer found the scarecrows hat and with that the scarecrow found his courage. The crows flew away and Rags the scarecrow was no longer fearful. I fought away the tears and realized that a strong message was being sent to me from above. The illusion that I can control what happens tomorrow is just that so I need to be grateful for what is right in my life and treasure each moment.

I share my story not for pity, but to hopefully have you be thankful for all that is right with your life rather than focusing on what is wrong. Fortunately, I went to Kindergarten this morning as that is the best place to learn everything you need to know. It is only as complicated as we choose to make it.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Live Like You Were Dying

2011-11-11T07:45:00.000-05:00

Think back to when you were a child, what do you remember? Not your immediate family but your friends and neighbors. Growing up in the 70's and 80's we lived in a great neighborhood, Lake Lenape. I'm not sure if it is an illusion or not but things seemed safer then. We were allowed to play outside after dinner, jail break, bomb fires, and roam the neighborhood. When it was time for football, cheerleading, or softball practice we could ride our bikes to Under Hill Park. We were probably more creative because we didn't have technological distractions. Our parents didn't organize our after school activities we had to figure it out for ourselves. We didn't have to be under our parents supervision 24/7. Growing up on Lake Lenape we had a few more bonuses. Swimming, water-skiing & ice skating. We may sound spoiled but a few of those years the dam was broken and we didn't have water in the lake. That probably was devastating to the parents, but as kids your main goal was still just to get the most out of every day. We loved walking in the mud through the lake and discovering what was under the water that we so easily enjoyed. We learned about the islands, stumps and where the channels were in the lake.

Mays Landing was smaller then so there was one bus for Kindergarten through 8th grade. Shaner School was K - 6 and Duberson was 7th and 8th grade. Our bus stop was at the end of East Lake Drive. Yes we had to walk to the end of a long street and actually enjoyed it. Being one of the youngest on the street there were advantages and disadvantages to this. We grew up a little faster and were exposed to some things that we probably shouldn't have been. Don't get alarmed, I'm just talking about four letter words.

Life goes on, you grow up, people move away and many times you never see or hear from each other again until someone passes away. My memory has never been very good, that is probably why I love pictures so much. One of my childhood friends posted old photos on Facebook and it brought back so many wonderful memories. There are a lot of things that I dislike about Facebook but without it we wouldn't have reconnected. Last night we had a small neighborhood reunion of seven and it was wonderful. What a great night of reminiscing and filling in the blanks. Everyone thanked me for getting us together and actually I hadn't remembered that it was my idea.

While I was sick many people came out of the woodwork to issue me words of encouragement on Facebook. It helped me to stay strong and know that I have a larger support network than just my immediate family. Writing is my therapy and connecting with my childhood friends was more helpful than any of them will ever realize. Living a crazy busy life, always focused on achieving the next goal I never stopped and took time to really listen and enjoy people. I was a grown up and that wasn't on the agenda. Many times we only take the time to stop and remember someone once they have died at their funeral.

As a child I had a bad experience at my grandmother's funeral. We weren't allowed to go, but one of the younger kids who did proceeded to describe to me what my Mom Mom looked like in the casket. From then on I hated funerals. They were morbid to me, I didn't understand their value and avoided them. When my Pop Pop passed away several years ago I finally got it. It should be a celebration of that person's life and you are there to support the family who still is here and to tell them something about their family member that you loved. And even if you didn't know the deceased comfort your friend and pay your respects. For someone who doesn't remember much I can still remember who was and wasn't at my Pop Pop's funeral. There are many funerals that I missed and if I had it to do over I would go back in time and be there for those people.

This past year has been very emotional for my family and I. When you are diagnosed with a brain tumor there are more what ifs than your mind can handle. For me I am choosing to look at it as a rebirth. A gift from God to live the right way, appreciating all of the everyday gifts that we have. Why do we wait for a funeral to reconnect. Please don't wait for mine and when it does eventually happen, as it will for all of us don't cry. Celebrate my life and be happy. Tell funny stories and do me a favor and let the bad ones die with me. No I'm not perfect and the reality is none of us are, some of us just make it look better than others.

If you are reading this and I have missed a funeral for someone that you love recently I apologize as it wasn't intentional. I'm having trouble dealing with the realities of illness and need time to work through it. Having had a brain tumor removed and thinking many times that I might die I have new issues with funeral homes. I'm not sure how strong I can really be and actually avoid reading The Press and the obituaries because it hits a little too close to home. So instead I have decided, we should do our best to take the time to appreciate one another while we are here on this earth.

Once again this is easier said than done. I can talk the talk but am challenged daily with walking the walk. Every day I am getting stronger. Last night I drew strength from someone who was missing at the table. Steve LaPergola lost his life at 42 to a brain tumor. All of us adored him, he was the handsome, athletic, creative, dreamy guy on our street. I missed his funeral and feel horrible about it to this day.

I realized the other day that I try to make my bed every morning for a reason. If I don't, it is just too easy to crawl back in bed, feel sorry for myself and give up. I'm not going to let that happen. There is a reason that God decided to keep me here. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring so we should enjoy today, it is a gift that is why it is called the present.

INSPIRATION

2011-11-07T06:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Team Phyter / House of Hope raised money for the National Brain Tumor Society. In one week we raised almost $4,000 for the cause. But hopefully more than money we raised awareness. There are so many people effected by this horrible disease and early diagnosis is important. We need to Get Your Head In The Game and learn the facts so that you can help someone you love.

Our shirts said Team PHYtER, but our Team Name is House of Hope. I am blessed to be surrounded by so many people who love me but the reality is our Team House of Hope was there in honor of all of the South Jersey people that I know that are living with brain tumors. I learned that I had been isolating myself from them because I am scared. Treatment decisions are personal and not one of us knows if we made the right choice because there is no cure. We can only pray that awareness and advocacy will combine to get the researchers and doctors on one team and find the cure.

What my fellow brain tumor PHYtERS give one another is Hope. We participated in this event for Christian Clopp, a young Mays Landing boy diagnosed with a brain tumor. Christian and his family fight every day and have learned to have a smile and appreciate the little things in life. He inspires me every day. Gianna DeRosa, a amazing teenager who attends Cedar Creek High School while fighting this battle. When you feel weak one day think of how incredible her and her family are. Ash Schieder, a Mays Landing girl who was diagnosed during high school and despite receiving rigorous treatments attends college at Boston University with the dream of becoming an event planner. These young survivors are fighting for their lives but still making a difference in others. My own cousin Melissa Morris-Guthrie who lives in Florida now fights the same battle. There are many others in South Jersey, Tod Settle, Scott Joyce, Carolann Klingert, Logan Bennett, Gary Panter. And we also ran in memory of my sweet neighbor who lost her battle with brain cancer, Pat Morris. I'm not sure how many others there are in our area but I pray that we can help each other through this.

Personally, I want to get mentally stronger each day so that I can be there for my family. I'm hoping to get therapy to regain what I have lost but in the end I want to live a meaningful life and let go of the anger that this happened to me. In the summer when I started thinking about the run my goal was to beat my surgeon. Once I let go of my anger I realized that he didn't give me this he saved my life. Being competitive I still was happy to have a time just under 30 minutes and to have beat Dr Judy but only in fun :) I was more happy just to see that he cares enough to be there and to fight for awareness too. Next year I want a picture with my hero !

My family and friends put up with a lot from me, it is an emotional roller coaster. I write well in the morning before I am over stimulated with life. Quiet my mind and live day by day. Treasure what is right and forget what is wrong. Thank you to everyone for being there for me over this last seven months. Especially my husband, the strongest man I know. And my daughter, Taylor who amazes me with her strength every day. And my sunshine, Charley. Although I have a burning desire to save the world I have to save my family first.

Thank you to EVERYONE who has been there for my family and I over the last 7 months. The outpouring of love and support has given me strength. (George & the girls really miss the meals but I am going to learn to cook :) ) I can't tell you how much it meant to me for those of you who were able to find time in your busy lives to support the cause. And my silent supporters who donated money and prayers are always appreciated.

We plan on going again next year so if you want to join the fun mark your calendars November 5, 2011. For now just treasure every day, it truly is a gift. And remind me to walk the walk when I lose sight of this, as it is so easy to talk the talk. Surround yourself by people who make you smile. Life is too short to do anything else :)

A Living Funeral

2011-11-05T07:04:00.001-04:00

I'll have to be honest and tell you that this past seven months has been a lot like a living funeral. People who haven't spoken to me in years have come out of the woodwork to mend misunderstandings. At first I was bothered by that eery feeling but now I have learned to embrace it. How many times have you lost someone and wished that you had one more meaningful day with them to tell them how you really feel?

It is so human to wear a suit of armor to protect ourselves. I have learned that being vulnerable is more valuable. When you let your guard down people see that you too are real. We all have a story. The other night I had the gift of being in a class sponsored by the school for parent advocacy. I'll have to admit that I almost didn't go. It was a very trying day for me and I emailed the instructor and told her my story and said that I understood if she wanted to give my spot to someone else. She quickly responded and told me to come and that she would work with me.

Admitting deficiencies is something that I was never raised to do. You learned to compensate for them. That was a gift from my parents because usually the human body is so amazing that you can learn to overcome any obstacle. Now I truly understand what disability means. I had no idea before. I have learned that when you let your guard down and admit that you need help most people are amazing. None of us are born perfect and we can all learn from one another and help each other. But if you don't tell someone you need help things will remain the same.

My first Parent Advocacy class was amazing. What a gift the instructor is. She has the ability to connect with 30 parents in a class on a deeper level than any human being I have ever met. She encouraged us to start a journal and remember our childhood, to understand why we are the way we are (good or bad) and how we can learn from that to help our children. This class is a blessing for me at this point in my life. Hearing some of the other people's stories reminded me that it isn't all about me. Each and every one of us is going through something and it is all important. So when you start to judge someone stop and instead try and get to the root of what is wrong and offer them support. You don't have to have all of the answers they might just need someone to listen. Someone that they can trust that won't gossip about them.

The purpose of me writing this morning is because a dear friend reached out to me last night and asked if the Race for Hope in Philadelphia Sunday is also a walk. I am so sorry for not mentioning it earlier. There is a fun run for kids and a walk too. There are currently 7 of us running on my team House of Hope in the 5k (which by the way is actually only about 3 miles but runners say 5k because it sounds like 5 miles ;) - it is more achievable than you think). George has to work Sunday so Charley isn't able to go and is very sad about it. If anyone wants to walk and wouldn't mind being Charley's date it would mean more to me than I could ever express. So call me 609-226-0438 if you can help out.

Here is a link to Registration FAQ - Remember our team is House of Hope when you register that day.

And here is a link about the day's events. Event Day Timeline

There is still time to donate if you can. I understand that times are tough so any amount, even $5 is appreciated. Donate Here

If you can't join us I completely understand as it is so last minute but if you would like to spend a beautiful morning in Philadelphia supporting brian tumor awareness I would be forever grateful. My understanding is that this race is not as big as many of the Philly races so don't be intimidated. It starts at the Philadelphia Museum of Art steps. Call or text me so I know to look for you 609-226-0438. My cousin and I are going up the night before so that we are sure I am on time for the race.

The Cure

2011-11-03T06:05:00.001-04:00

So when you are Broken the next logical question is how do we fix it. Many of you have reached out to me trying to do that and I appreciate your input and efforts. I don't know my next steps. Day by day I will figure it out. It is hard to monitor your progress when you can't remember things. How do you accurately tell your doctor your symptoms?

It is so difficult to explain what is going on in your head. Headaches every day, it that normal? Honestly that has never stopped. I just try to get a little stronger every day and deal with it. What can you expect after brain surgery. And growing up we weren't allowed to stay home from school "sick" so I wake up every day and face it. Although I have to admit my bed looks very inviting some days. But the truth is I don't lay in bed, I don't watch TV, I only go on the internet in the am when I can't sleep and even reading is a challenge for me these days. There is an overwhelming amount of information and I am having difficulty processing it.

In talking to a few of my friends the other day we realized that when people are hurting they turn to vices. So often in society we look down on people who are alcoholics or drug addicts never really stopping to think what caused their problems in the first place. Why are they resorting to these things? Do you really think that they want to be broken? No, they don't they just found something that numbs the pain. I see "bad kids" on Facebook every day and if you look closely you will see they are just crying out for help. Maybe their situation at home is less than perfect and they create a tough exterior to hide their pain. If you feel broken, remember you are not alone. I find strength in my church and they are doing an excellent series that you can find at www.shorefellowship.net. You are welcome to be my guest. I felt awkward at first but have learned that was my own personal hang ups. It is a wonderful place filled with loving people who guess what might be a little broken too! It's ok, let's be broken together and find strength in God. If you aren't comfortable coming in person I would encourage you to listen to the messages online. Either way it is ok.

When you go to a doctor they write you a prescription. When I was sick they put me on depression medication. The reality was that I had a brain tumor, but the meds numbed the awareness of it. Had I not fallen with seizures that day I would have never been properly diagnosed until it was possibly too late. So when you see someone who is having trouble please don't judge them, stop and talk to them. They are just crying out for help.

The challenge that I am now faced with is deciding if the "no treatment" decision was truly a logical one or the safe one. Sadly it seems that no one really knows the answer. That is why raising money for this cause is so important. When someone is having financial difficulty and calls us to sell their home we would explain to them their three options, 1) Stay 2) Sell or 3)Rent your home. We would walk through each of their options and help them determine what is best for their situation as a consultant. With doctors no one really has the answers with brain tumors. It is like we are all experiments. As I said before each of my brain tumor friends has chosen a different path and every case is unique because of the size, location and type of tumor. It is like a science experiment to see which one of us will live. Who made the right choice? Makes "reality tv" seem trivial.

The challenge with brain tumors is that there is a blood brain barrier so traditional treatments for cancer don't work as well in the brain. For me indecision is the simple decision because no one has the cure. Please help me raise money for the Race for Hope. I have to believe someone is smart enough to find the answer. We are 41 percent of the way to my goal in four days. Times are tough so if you can't afford the $25 that they start as an option write in a smaller amount. Any little amount will help, and if you aren't in a position to donate prayers are always appreciated. I'm trying to write personal thank you to everyone but am getting overwhelmed. I'm doing my best, please don't be upset if I miss you it certainly isn't intentional.
DONATE HERE

BROKEN

2011-11-02T05:17:00.001-04:00

All of us are broken in some way or another, admit it ~ as it is part of the solution. For some reason we are paralyzed by perfection. Success is defined by looking like you have it all and doing it gracefully. To me Steve Jobs epitomizes this reality. What an amazing man with tremendous accomplishments but I can't help but be sad when I think about his life. I wonder was he really ever happy? The kid that works at the Apple Store seems to think so, he thinks that money had to make what he went through better. Actually it doesn't, you can achieve things in life and have financial rewards but Mr Jobs death just demonstrates so vividly that money can not buy everything. Someone who could have paid cash for the best doctors in the world still died from cancer. That makes me want to stay in bed today and cry, to give up. Maybe it is a little more reality than we are all willing to face.

The reaction to my post the other day by some of my closest friends was sadness too. They want me to be ok and I was trying to fulfill that fairytale. But the reality is that I can't. I'm doing the very best that I can and if I keep my mouth shut and smile no one would ever know. I can convince you all that I am not broken. But the reality is that I am. I always thought that it would be so great being a housewife, I can't tell you how sad it is to have that opportunity now and still fail miserably at it. But I'm working every day at getting better at it. Finally I am asking for help and admitting what I can or can't do. Processing things is a challenge. Because the creative part of my brain works everyone thinks that I am smart and can do anything. Who would dream that the simplest tasks are the hardest.

Yesterday I wanted to crawl up in a ball and give up. My kindergartener, Charley, was able to bring home a beautiful book that her class had made together. Each page was about one of the children in her class. It was laminated and so was the envelope. There were specific instructions that it was only to be used for one day and returned so that everyone would have a turn enjoying it. Charley's turn was Friday, so we had the bonus of the weekend. For normal people that would be great, for me it was just a few more days to lose it. We read the book numerous times, so much so that the pages started to come lose from the binder. I asked Taylor to help Charley fix it, she did but then I lost track of the book. Monday morning I was looking for it and could only find the folder that it came in. I brought it to school hoping that Charley had the book in her backpack. When i went to school for the party I prayed that it would be there but it wasn't. I texted Taylor and she last saw it on the table. When we got home Charley found the book in her room but now I lost the folder. This may seem trivial to you but it was the only thing that I was focused on and couldn't do it. The next morning Charley's teacher texted us hoping that we had located the book. George has very upset by this. He is very structured and can't understand that we aren't. He reprimanded Charley for not being organized as I hid not wanting to get in trouble. Before Charley left for school I apologized for losing her folder. She looked at me with the saddest big blue eyes and said "but Mommy, Daddy thinks that I did it". I was crushed, not able to admit to my husband that I can't even handle a simple task like that. Most people will try to make me feel better about it telling me that they do stuff like that all of the time, but this was all that I had to do. I retraced my steps and couldn't find that folder. Luckily Charley's teacher told me that I had left it at the school. The problem seems to be that I can't differentiate between what I think and what I actually do. I must have thought through the next step and left the envelope at school thinking it was one less thing to worry about the problem is that I still don't remember thinking or doing that. I try to remember back to before I was sick, was I always like this. And yes I was always losing things, however I also had 50 things going on at one time so it was to be expected. Now I have one thing going on and it still happens 5o times a day. So when people try to empathize with me it only frustrates me more. When they left for school I went upstairs laid on the bed and cried. I wanted so badly to give up. But every day is a new day and I am going to figure out the tricks to surviving this. I just remind myself that it could be a whole lot worse.

Sometimes I wish that I had chosen the treatment because then I would look sick. Why is it that if I had no hair you would believe me? I'm learning to tell people and ask for help with the things that I can't do. Although at first they are in shock because they thought that I had it all together quickly they become stronger and realize that it is taking a lot for me to admit that I can't do things. What I am learning is that I need structure and lists. Before I go to bed at night I have to write out a detailed list of what every part of my day is going to look like so that I can check off each thing no matter how simple. If you are near me and I smell that means that I forgot to put "apply deodorant" on the list. This might be very hard for some of you to hear because I was Wonder Woman and could do everything but that isn't me now. I have come to terms with it and I need you to also. Please accept that I promise to do my best every day. I'm scared too.

Thank you for your contributions to the Race for Hope this weekend. Our goal is to raise $6,000 and last night we were 24% there. I will continue to take off my mask and be vulnerable to the world if it serves a good purpose. http://www.braintumorcommunity.org/goto/phy

ALMOST PERFECT

2011-11-02T04:58:00.000-04:00

MY STORY

I'm the girl you loved to hate in high school or so I am told by my now best friend. I ask her why we were not friends then and she said that my hair was always perfect and my outfits matched too well. I continued to make that fairytale seem real as my life went on. Graduated with a GPA of 3.875 and degree in Finance while working full time selling real estate in the family business. Went on to buy my parents real estate company and would celebrate my 25th year in the business in 2012. Married my best friend and had a beautiful daughter. Was off the mark there with an only child so we had another 9 years later to fulfill the average number of kids. Set goals, worked hard and achieved them. Wonderful family, great friends, beautiful home but crazy busy life and empty on the inside. Every day was a race and never a true day off. My mind was and is always buzzing with thoughts and what ifs.

Even as far as illness goes I was only ever sick a few times. Scarlet fever, chicken pox, shingles, and bells palsy when I was pregnant with Charley in 1996. Ever since then something was wrong. I was too busy to recognize the signs and stand still long enough to listen to my body but I just wasn?t right. The doctors said that I was stressed out and prescribed depression medicine. That was believable with the downturn in the real estate economy. So I turned 40 had all of my tests and passed with flying colors yet I still didn?t feel good. I went to the gym or ran most days and could not drop any weight. On March 31st I went to the gym the last time for a spin class. By the grace of God I made it home without hurting anyone. While taking a shower with my 5 year old getting ready for a typical crazy busy day I fell and had multiple grand mal seizures. God must have been watching me as my husband was due to return to work that day. After being laid off from the construction industry this was the day that he had an opportunity to go back to his old job. His meeting was pushed back a few hours so he happened to be home and heard me fall. The rest is a blur. My daughter tells me that several ambulances came and took me away. To think I was always worried about wearing clean underwear in the event I would need emergency care!

Life changed for me that day. A realization of what truly matters and what does not. How I appear to the outside world is irrelevant. The difference that I make in the four walls of my home is all that is important.

WHO AM I?

We tend to identify who we are by what we do. When a chunk of your brain is removed you realize that you may never be who you once were. There are two choices. Curl up in a ball, cry and struggle trying to be who you thought you were or rejoice in the fact that you are alive. Every day is a struggle, learning what things your brain does and does not allow you to do. It isn't like any other disability because you don't look sick. You look "normal". Remember no one knew I was sick until I fell to the floor with seizures. My body sent me signs but I was too busy to listen and accurately process them.

I would love nothing more than to tell you I have beat this, I won. The choice I have made is not to do treatment. To wait and see. Every three months I will have another MRI to see if it grows back. Sadly, brain tumors are "chronic". I didn't understand what the doctor meant when he said that to me, or maybe I just didn't want to believe it. Chronic means that it is persisting for a long time or constantly recurring. You see they don't have a magic pill for brain tumors. A lot of money has been put into cancer research but there still is no cure. Brain tumors don't receive that much attention or research in comparison to many of the more "popular" cancers. They can cut it out, burn it with radiation and poison you with chemo but it is likely to return. The unknowns are when and why.

When I asked why this happened to me I was told "bad luck", "you were dealt a bad hand". When I ask if I have cancer I am told ?what do you want to hear?? How about the truth??? Parts of my tumor are a stage II and parts are a stage III. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder if it is genetics or environment. How do I make sure that my children are not dealt the same bad hand? Modern medicine focuses on removing the tumor but not figuring out what causes it to grow. Limited resources for research regarding brain tumors keeps them from finding a cure. It has taken me 7 months to come to terms with this reality. For everyone else including myself I wanted this part of my life to be over and go back to normal. There is a new normal now.

THE NEW NORMAL

Gratitude has to be the start of every day. Grateful that I am alive, that my surgeon was talented enough to be able to get most of the tumor. I have to recognize my limitations and learn new ways to adapt. My short term memory is gone, everything has to be written down and I can only handle a few tasks a day. I set a timer to remember to get my daughter to school. The only time I can focus is in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep. Thoughts race through my mind at a rapid pace and it takes a lot of effort to slow down. Overstimulation makes me insane, and that isn't just lights and sound it is Facebook and the 12,600 emails in my inbox. I am learning to cope with my new normal. When the construction industry came to a halt three years ago we were devastated. It seemed like a curse at the time. However it has turned out to be a blessing in disguise. My husband George has been running the real estate office and doing a fabulous job. It is humbling and difficult to admit that he could be better than me in three years at something I did for 25 years. At home, my 13 year old Taylor is a treasure, she has always been wise beyond her years. She helps me to keep the house in order, I couldn't do it without her. My Charley girl gives me a reason to wake up and smile every morning. I have to be strong for her.

So now it is time for me to find my new normal. I can't do much but I think that God has kept me here on this earth for a reason. I've spent the last seven months in chaos and denial. I need to do something of meaning. There are two things that I know that I can do, run and tell my story. (If I am making this look easy, it isn't! Somehow I have two usernames & passwords and two fundraising sites :~\ I have tried to make this website for 7 months and have made more mistakes than I am willing to admit. For something that used to come easy to me this is a struggle but I am a PHYTER ! )

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

There is only one week until the Race for Hope in Philadelphia but I want to raise money for the National Brain Tumor Society. I need to feel like I am making a difference. So although I'm late to the race I am asking for any support that you can give. You are welcome to come and run as a PHYTER with Taylor and I (today 10/30/11 is the last day for online registration, LOWFEE for a discount) or any donation no matter how small will help. Brain tumors are more common than you would like to realize. Since being diagnosed I have become aware of at least ten other local cases. We are all different ages, stages, and tumor types. We have each chosen different treatments but we all live each day with Hope for a Cure. That starts with awareness of the lack of funding and understanding about this horrible chronic disease.

http://www.braintumorcommunity.org/goto/phy

Live An Impossible Life ?

2011-08-09T05:19:00.000-04:00

The weather men really called it wrong the last few days. No one is perfect.

It seems that I am slipping back into my old cocoon ways. Thursday I told the girls it was going to rain so it wouldn’t be a good day on the boat. Thank goodness I followed their young spontaneous lead. When I got home from work the boat was packed and it was a gorgeous day on the river with no other boat or wave runnner traffic. Saturday was essentially a repeat of Thursday only the river was much busier. Sunday we were blessed with another gorgeous day.

How are you spending your time on this earth? Do you live by weather forecasts and plans? Honestly what is the worst thing that could happen? Your hair might get wet. You might go for a run and be rained on (awesome experience BTW). Sundays plan was church to be followed by cleaning closets & the house because once again the weather man forecasted rain. We did go to an amazing service at church (Sun Stand Still) a young pastor has grown his church Elevate to 10,000 people. He challenged us to pray for the impossible. Pray for the miracle. My prayer was for Christian Clopp.

Christian is a courageous 8 year old boy from Mays Landing, NJ battling brain cancer.

He was diagnosed with inoperable Anaplastic Astrocytoma in October 2010. During the last two years his family has had an amazing journey filled with many highs and lows that come along with this horrible disease. This past week unfortunately the doctors at Children’s Hospital of Pennsylvania have said there is nothing more that they can do for him. He still smiles and is happier than most people that have their health. He values every day and has amazing strength. Through my battle with brain cancer Christian and Gianna DeRosa have provided me with tremendous inspiration, if they can fight this disease so can I. The days you want to give up and feel sorry for yourself you realize that there is HOPE. We just need to believe. Miracles do happen. Many prayers throughout our town, and the world have been communicated on Christians Crusaders Facebook page, where he has at least 5,000 supporters. If you are one of his fans do me a favor and write on his page. Tell him how he has inspired you to make a change in your life. For me it is to live an impossible life. To treasure every minute of every day for we never know when it will be our last. Often times we forget this and need to be reminded.

This week, disregard the weather forecast, take a risk. I saw several families enjoying the quiet river Sunday afternoon. One was a boat of young adults anchored in the basin carefree and doing flips off of a boat. Another was a young family fishing in a canoe with their daughter. The worst thing that happened was a few little refreshing raindrops but the smile on their little girls face was priceless.

Healing

2011-07-14T03:23:00.000-04:00

A flower closes to protect itself from the darkness so that it will be here to see the light.

As selfish as it may sound I am taking a leave of absence from Facebook. It has been a wonderful place to share so many things but it proves to be a very hurtful forum to the vulnerable. Recent interactions have made me realize that for as many people as I helped I also have unintentionally hurt. Because no matter how many times I say “It’s not all about you” someone will inevitably think that it is about them. I no longer wish to be involved with that vicious cycle of worry. When you open your life up to the world you are extremely vulnerable. The strong and thick skinned can handle it however the more sensitive and weak cannot.

The next part of my walk includes healing and that will require isolation. Facebook does not seem to be conducive to that practice. My family and I need privacy and time. My journals will now be private at my bedside as they should be. A very good friend of mine has encouraged me to live a more simple life, that can't possible include an addiction to Facebook. If I could cancel my account without losing all of your lovely words of encouragement I would. But for now if you would like to send them you are going to have to do them the good old fashioned way snail mail, let's save the USPS.

With regard to my health and my decisions, I need time and thanks to your prayers at this point it seems to be on my side. A follow up appointment with Dr Judy my neurosurgeon in September will help us make the final decision. Working on healing my mind, body and soul and that all requires peace and quiet.

If you have a friend who has been diagnosed with cancer and you want to help I would recommend the following things:

1) Buy them a journal & day planner to write in every day. They need to write down the date, time and who they spoke with because they will forget. 2) They need to get copies of all of their health records for their own personal files. 3) They need to be their own health advocate or if they are not strong enough that is how you can help. 4) Research, research research, the internet is full of good and bad, through their faith they will find their path, no two cases are the same. 5) Read Knockout by Suzanne Somers (yes that is Chrissy Snow and she is a blonde and she is brilliant). 6) Watch the Burzynski Movie. He is real and compassionate. Next year they will be in business for 35 years. 1-713-335-5697 Christina Rios is my contact and she is a love who will get them started. It is only another opinion, but their honesty was something I had never experienced in health care. 7) Encourage their faith and pray 8) Take it day by day and cherish each one.

Namaste

"I honor the place in you where Spirit lives
I honor the place in you which is
of Love, of Truth, of Light, of Peace,
when you are in that place in you,
and I am in that place in me,
then we are One."

Ray of Hope

2011-07-09T08:34:00.001-04:00

Calm After The Storm on South River, originally uploaded by shellsells.

Many of you have been asking about my great news ~ here is your update.

Dr Burzynski called me for a teleconference on Thursday. He informed me that my original surgeon Dr Judy did a fabulous job and did get a total resection. There is no measurable tumor left and that I have three treatment options:

1) Wait and see with an MRI every 8 weeks
2) Chemotherapy
3) His personalized targeted gene therapy.

Before I can continue with anything I need to get healthy. So I have temporarily given up on my natural health remedies and gotten a Zpack from Dr Lurakis. I can't risk getting any sicker or getting my friends and family ill.

Hoping that my faith and family will guide me towards the right option in the next chapter of this journey. Luckily at this point time is on my side. We are truly blessed.

Many thanks to everyone who has supported my family through this trying time in our lives. The outpouring of love and support gives us hope, faith and courage.

Is Your Inheritance Valuable?

2011-07-08T05:21:00.001-04:00

Having been in real estate for over 24 years ( I know, how is that possible when I only look 30? ) I have seen many families break down or apart over their inheritance. Sadly that is the last thing in the world you want as a parent. Our entire lives we work very hard thinking about building a legacy for our future generations. When the reality is that

“The best inheritance parents can give to their children is a few minutes of their time each day”.

Yesterday we celebrated Charley's birthday with a small family party. My dear friends Pop had passed away that morning. This leaves a hole in my heart as he was my boyfriend. What a lovely soul with a gift of genuine levity. We danced together at every wedding. Oh how I will miss him but just thinking of our memories together makes me smile. God was good enough to let me hug him goodbye at Johnnies last week. I quickly included his family in our celebration for Charley as I know he wouldn’t want them crying. Even though it isn’t easy to lose anyone at any age we are grateful that he lived till 89 and passed peacefully. I smile thinking about what he and my grandfather are doing in heaven. Him being reunited with the love of his life is comforting.

You see life is a gift, every day that you wake up you should treasure. Instead of dreading family parties embrace them. Stop criticizing one another and complaining about your aches and pains and take the time to learn about each other and your families history. Do you know what the one thing your parents wished they had asked their parents before they died? ( I don’t either but I plan on finding out). Fittingly one of the party favors was a Family Tree Book that I found at Five Below earlier that week. One was given to each family asking them to take the time to fill it out with their children. It doesn’t have to be a special book ~ take any notebook, photographs, videos, anything because time waits for no one an all of our memories eventually fail. I was given a warning, don’t wait for yours to wake up and realize what life is all about. Just because you don’t have cancer doesn’t guarantee you one more breath than me. Any of us could be hit by a car tomorrow. I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Master Oogway of Kung Fu Panda “Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery; but today is a gift which is why they call it the present” Make sure that the presents you give your children are memorable.

The Power of Prayer

2011-06-25T09:58:00.003-04:00

Happiness is a Journey, not a Destination, originally uploaded by shellsells.

Good Morning Everyone :) Thank you so very much for all of your prayers and well wishes. You have all been so very good to me and my family. The power of prayer is an amazing thing. At this point my prayers have been answered by our heavenly father. Every day through this experience he has given me amazing signs that led me down the right path to my recovery. At this point there are conflicting reports from University of Pennsylvania, Jefferson and the Burzynski Clinic. We are awaiting additional testing from an independent lab to determine who is correct. It seems that not only is the pet scan of my body clear but also the pet scan of my brain. So either there was a human error, one of my natural inexpensive products worked or the power of prayer has graced me with a miracle. Whatever you believe is fine I know what I believe.

Had I just relied on todays medicine and doctors and not my gut instinct I would have already had radiation and chemotherapy. Our prayers led me to an amazing doctor in Texas who is passionate about curing cancer. There are so many stories of miracles at this clinic it is amazing. It was a leap of faith to go and I am so glad that I followed God’s lead. If you know of a family who is struggling with cancer, please have them watch this video and the Burzynski Movie. Dr Burzynski has been given the designation to go into Phase III trials by the FDA. When I asked my 1st neurosurgeon who removed my tumor and originally saved my life if I could consider an alternative treatment he told me it was my tumor and I could do whatever I wanted. Then I asked him if I was his daughter what would he do. He said that he would smack me on the side of my head if I didn’t follow the standard of practice. “If it sounds too good to be true it is”. “And don’t go to that Doctor in Texas” I wish to thank him from the bottom of my heart because that was the clue that 1st led me to Texas. The second was doing my own personal research on the internet, which the doctors also told me not to do. I then read Suzanne Somers book Knockout and followed it up with many other books including her other three. I gave traditional medicine another chance and went to the University of Pennsylvania. The neurosurgeon there was ready to operate again and take out the remainder of the tumor before even receiving the pathology report because he had an opening the following Monday. My radiologist and oncologist gave me 5-10 years to live. I can’t wait to show them it will be 50 :) I am a person not a statistic. The reality is if you follow there rules you will be a statistic. If you have faith in God and truly listen to where he tells you to go and research the options (he can’t do it all for you) you can be treated as the individual that you are rather than the mass solution which isn’t doing so well. Research the statistics on that. Sadly you will find that the pharmaceutical companies, FDA and medical systems are corrupt. If you are lucky enough to have a doctor that pays personal attention to you and is honest praise the lord and quickly call me with their phone number. If not, search until you do, your family deserves better.

The sad reality is still that we all have cancer cells in our body and it is our own personal responsibility to be our own personal health advocate. Had Taylor not yelled at me to get off of Facebook that day the result I have today could be very different. She was right and I treasure each day now, what a gift! I never want to lose this feeling of gratitude and the joy that I feel by nurturing my relationship with our heavenly father.
I am blessed and truly appreciate my family and friends. If I fall off course please remind me. Before the Mays Landing rumor mill starts the blonde in the boat with George yesterday was me. I surprised my family by coming home to wait for the testing. I don’t ever want to be away from them again. It was kept a secret because although everyone is well intentioned I just wanted some alone time with them. So again I am sorry but I hope that you understand my silence. The next part of my journey is to learn to turn off the switches of the cancer causing genes, stress, technology, toxins, pharmaceuticals, my beloved cell phone :(. I need to train my body to relax with yoga, exercise regularly, get proper sleep and take nutrition seriously. My dress rehearsal is over. The next six months of my life are going to be very crucial to my survival. Unfortunately brain cancer is considered chronic which means that it usually returns and next time I may not be so fortunate as to the location, type of tumor or outcome. Radiation and chemo may be a part of my future, even the doctors at the Burzynski Clinic have told me that. For now I choose to cherish every day that I am blessed enough to be on this beautiful earth. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and well wishes. I will update you when I get the results back from the independent lab and we choose my treatment plan. In the meantime I would ask that you continue to use the power of prayer for anyone that you know who is suffering from an illness, it truly works. If you know of someone who is dealing with cancer I would be happy to share my story with them. Please ask them to 1st do the research on the links that I have provided. Once they do and they believe I will talk to them and hopefully help them.

Daddy's Day

2011-06-19T07:27:00.000-04:00

Eleven years ago I remember bringing Taylor to Harbor Cove to teach her how to swim. I was so very upset because you were such a strong swimmer but you didn’t come to the pool with Mommy and I to teach her. You watched above in the condo from the window. It was as if you were watching over us from heaven. Later I understood that is a step that you go through when you have cancer. You like to separate yourself from your family to make sure that they are going to be okay without you. I never would have dreamed that today I would be doing the same thing. Charley is learning how to swim with Lauren and Taylor and I am many miles away. It is breaking my heart not to be there but it also brings me comfort to know that everyone will be okay with or without me.

You have taught me so many things in life, more than I could ever remember. Some of the most important are to love with all of your heart, fight for what you believe in, laugh like there is no tomorrow, and to stay in tune with your body. If you didn’t pay such close attention to your body you wouldn’t be here today. You were persistent with your doctors when you had colon cancer and they told you that you had food poisoning and gas. I’m certain their diagnosis was correct about the gas :) (Sorry Daddy I couldn’t resist). Then you tackled a double knee replacement (which lucky for us moved you back to Mays Landing). And most recently your major heart surgery. When you got lost in the shuffle at the doctor’s office you were vigilant enough to return a second time when you still didn’t feel good only to find that your “widows artery” needed to be replaced. Through it all you laughed and smiled.

Mommy and you learned to live a life where you are grateful to be alive each day. Thank you for sharing her with me during this trying time in our lives. We fight a little and love a lot just like you do ;) Forty-seven years of marriage is quite impressive these days. I learned to love and fight with passion from you. After 24 years of being together with George I know that there are times that you would like to give up. The good outweighs the bad and the grass definitely isn’t greener. Living with anyone who was raised with different family values is always a challenge. I am assuming that there were times in your life that were extremely challenging even though you never revealed them to Jen and I. You always set a wonderful example for us of what marriage should look like. If you want it you have to fight for it every day, suck it up and focus on what is right rather than what is wrong. Elevate what you love about each other and do your best to forget what things bother you. To meld your worlds until you establish your own house rules and stand by them to unify your new family. I’m so glad that you never gave up on each other or us because I would never want to split my time between you and have two other people added to our family and the adjustments that go with that journey. In our business we see it every day and it is never easier and the children are the ones that are always left hurting. There have only been a handful of times that we have seen families adjust well and I am sure it was probably more work to do that for their children than it would have taken for their original marriage. Thank you for treating Mommy like a Queen. Such a fabulous chef who even does the food shopping! (By the way we know you buy her flowers first at the grocery store so that all the ladies see how lucky she is ;) )

For those of us that truly know you Daddy, we could find you blindfolded in a crowded room from your laughter. That is my favorite gift of all. I love to laugh, it pulls me through the times when I would rather curl up in a ball and cry. I have a confession to make, I missed both the bus stops at East Lake Drive and Rundle Ave so that I got to laugh with you when you drove me to school. Yes, it was worth being yelled at passionately for the first 10 minutes of the drive. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART Now stop crying and go help Taylor teach Charley to swim, I will come home when she can ! Send me a video please.

Gratitude

2011-06-14T05:28:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was my daughter Taylor’s 8th grade graduation. She looked gorgeous, so grown up but still young at heart. We are so very proud of her! There were storm clouds over the sky and I prayed very hard that it wouldn’t be moved to Thursday as I would have missed it. The weather was gorgeous, the slight cloud cover made it more comfortable for everyone and is great lighting for photos ~ no squinty eyes :) We arrived late as usual and were given special treatment because of my “handicap”. I was waiting for people to throw things at me when I was offered seating in the handicap section, as I don’t look ill. Remember don’t judge a book by it’s cover.

Thank you heavenly father for giving me the gift of another day to see my daughter graduate. Please, don’t worry my diagnosis hasn’t changed however you should worry because people’s driving skills haven’t improved. We tend to just assume that each day is a guarantee if we are “healthy” but the reality is none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.

I pray that each of you don’t wait until you hit a very low point in your life to find God. A friend said to me “I just don’t understand why many people only find God when there is something horrible in their lives”. That is when he finds you, when you need him most.

The reality is that he gave me life and has been by my side for 42 years without me even paying attention. If you did that to a human father would he be by your side today? I used to call it my gut instinct but now I understand that it is the Holy Spirit.

Prior to me understanding this I was so empty. I looked to fill my heart and soul with material things, partying, alcohol and medications. I still enjoy being with my friends who are not at the same point in their lives. Laughter is not a sin however now I find my joy from a different way. The best news is I have it most of the time. My hardest days during this walk are the days that I question my belief. When I believe I feel a comforting warmth that makes me know that everything will be okay. I’m sorry if this is too deep for you. If may not be your time. People tried to explain it to me for several years and I just thought they were crazy and they must have joined that new “cult church” with the “house of hypocrites”. Yes, they were words that I used too.

What you need to understand is that if your faith is strong enough you don’t need a church you just need a relationship with God. The church personally is my choice as it joins me closer to my family and friends and I learn about God. What I have learned is that I have a unique experience which at times I feel is a gift. I was embarrassed by my lack of religious background and education having only found this church a year ago and the Holy Spirit a few months ago. Many people have spent their entire lives in catholic school and going to church but just go through the motions. We tend to take our loved ones for granted and sometimes lose sight that the best relationships take work. This is the same for your relationship with our heavenly father. Are you just going through the motions or do you really talk to him every day? I used to think that I had to save up my prayers for the really big things like saving my life but now I understand that just as with your parents you can talk to him every day about everything and build your relationship. Now I believe that “miracles” can happen, you can ask your father for things and just as with your worldly father he may grant you that if you have obeyed his house rules. When my religious friends would tell me The Bible was the only book that I needed I thought they were crazy. I didn’t understand but now I do. In my crash course about The Word I needed to quickly learn to have a relationship with God. To learn to have spiritual discernment and to speak with him about each of the decisions that I had to make, who to listen to and who might not have my best interest at heart. Just because they are a professional doesn’t mean that I should trust my life with them, God is the only one who I can do that with.

Walk the Walk

2011-06-12T07:42:00.001-04:00

Shhh!, originally uploaded by shellsells.

I’m sorry for not updating you lately I have needed time with my family to pray, research and weigh our options. My mother and I will be going to Texas for a 3rd opinion. At 42 years of age I am in trouble. As Loretta says you sure can talk the talk but can you walk the walk. Just as when we were children she has tolerated me not listening to her until if affects my health and then she puts her foot down. She chooses her battles wisely so I know that she is serious and I have to listen. Walking the walk means listening to my body. And when my mind is so active my gut doesn’t work and I cannot heal. So I need to learn to calm down, meditate and listen for our heavenly father’s guidance. I can’t do that if I am on Facebook. The good news is once I save myself I have permission to save the world. So stay tuned and keep me in your prayers.

Again I know that you all love us and we appreciate your concern but would you be so kind as to respect my family's privacy and DO NOT ask my family questions about my situation. You will be updated when it is time. Thank You.

Young & Care Free

2011-06-07T19:52:00.001-04:00

At what point do we lose our childhood joy and grow up? Is growing up really necessary? Several months ago I never would have let Charley do this. "It's too cold out", "Put a bathing suit on", "You will get hurt". When actually what is the harm? We could learn a lot from our kids :) So run through a sprinkler, smile and giggle ~ just because you are a grown up doesn't mean you can't. And why stifle their spirit? Life is too short to be drained by negativity. Surround yourself with people who make you smile.

Health Update ~ waiting for pathology test results to come back should know something next week.
No word back from the Union regarding financial approval for Proton Therapy. Maybe that is a sign?
Taking it day by day and enjoying the sunshine, smiles and my family :) Please do the same !

Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover

2011-06-04T05:10:00.000-04:00

When I ride my new bike around town I wish that I had a sign that says I didn’t get a DUI I have Brain Cancer! Never have I been more in tune with people’s preconceived ideas than right now, and I know that I do it too. Now I am more conscious of it so I do my best not to pre judge people or situations. I try to just ask questions before I form a conclusion. Have you ever thought that someone was mad at you only to find out that they are upset with a situation but, It’s Not All About You!

Some of my favorite books are hard to recommend because the titles do not properly describe them. The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris is an excellent read but I have to persuade people to read it because the title seems so unrealistic. Suzanne Somers Book, Sexy Forever seems very superficial when it has some of the best health tips I have read. Along with her Knockout book which is the most insightful book about the health care industry today along with fabulous advice about fighting cancer. I have to be honest when it was recommended to me I thought, “Sure I’m going to trust my life with the dumb blonde, Chrissy from Three’s Company!”

Quite frankly if you were to see me you wouldn’t believe that I was sick. The doctors that I had been seeing since July 2010 just thought I was depressed or had anxiety from my business. In the current economy that was believable. In my heart I knew something was wrong. The Thursday before I had my seizures I was at a doctor’s office and “looked fine”. I begged them to please not discount me because I knew my body wasn’t as healthy as it seemed. Trust your gut, if you don’t feel well make sure that you are your own health advocate and keep going until you find a doctor who listens. Take control of your own health right now and never need a doctor again. It took this wake up call for me to be vigilant about my health. I was trying to lose weight not get healthy. Energy drinks and every crazy diet known to man. I have a library of books. Now that I am eating an all natural balanced diet my skin has never looked better. I’m hoping to shrink this tumor or at least change the environment inside my body that created it.

Now I treat every day as a gift (or try to). I’m human, I have down days too, I just choose not to talk about them. There is no such thing as Perfect People (great song by Natalie Grant). I do my best to try to be a reflection of God but let’s face it we are all sinners. Just ask my family and true friends, I don’t sound like a walking talking Hallmark card at home. John 8:7 NIV "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

I experiment now. Because I don’t look sick I like to see how people treat me that don’t know. The other day I watched a woman be incredibly rude to a cashier. I felt so bad for both of them. The cashier was sweet and certainly didn’t deserve that treatment but I felt mostly for the woman. I wondered what she was going through personally that made her so angry. Stop and think about that before you assume bad about someone. As Taylor says, be kinder than you need to be as you never know what that person is struggling with.

It isn’t just in the present. Are there things that were said to you when you were a child that you just can’t forget as hard as you try? I have a few that ring in my head all the time. The person who said it I’m sure meant no harm but I can tell you that it certainly did hurt and still does. Recognize the power of your word. I’m certain that I have hurt many with mine and I apologize for that however I am doing my best to change that every day. Stay positive, smile and try to have your word be a positive influence on people, especially the mean ones.

As for my health update, I have finally found a doctor that I admire and trust. And sadly I prejudged her. She is younger and an Oncologist, not a Neuro oncologist. She is compassionate, brilliant and takes her time with me. Yes I do wait for her but it is well worth the wait. Thank You God, our prayers were answered. Late yesterday, I received a call from the Health Insurance company that my treatment was clinically approved now they just have to financially approve it. More prayers please. Once that occurs it is 2.5 weeks for setting up for the radiation and my treatments will begin. Who wants to be trapped in a car with me for a few hours first?

The Full List| Environmental Working Group

2011-05-30T07:09:00.001-04:00

The Full List| Environmental Working Group

Don't waste your $$$ buying organic on the things you don't need to.

Here is a list to guide you. This was from Charley's Garden last year.

Happy Memorial Day

It's Not All About YOU!

2011-05-27T05:41:00.003-04:00

My Family, originally uploaded by shellsells.

It’s Not All About YOU

Probably the hardest part of this process has been that I’m so focused on finding my cure and fighting for my life that I haven’t had time to step back and understand what my family & friends must be feeling. Why is it that we hurt the ones we love the most sometimes?

Everyone deals with things differently. It is hard to understand things from another’s point of view because we all have had different experiences that help to form our natural reactions. Many of us are hardened on the exterior even though we are crying on the inside. I now mask my feelings with humor because it makes me feel good. Sometimes I revert to my old ways which was to flip out :( We are all human and nobody is perfect. It would be awfully boring if we were all the same!

As I said in a previous post, Taylor had a saying on her Facebook wall for a long time that said. “Be kinder than you need to be to people because you never know what struggles they are facing". People are kinder to me right now because I have Cancer, challenge yourself to be that kind to everyone. God & my parents gave me the ability to be strong and relatively happy during this time but recognize that not everyone is as fortunate as I was or am. The true heros are the people who didn’t have “perfect childhoods” and that is what made them amazing adults. If you research it you will find that the most kind & successful people have faced adversity in some form. Many bury their past so you might not know it, but it is a common thread. So if you are troubled, please know that your life is what you chose to make of it. YOU have the power to believe and create your destiny.

To those of you who haven’t reached out to me it is okay. I was the same way. Prior to my illness, I was so busy running the race we call life that I rarely had time to focus on others. Now when it applies to me I am curious to know the details about friends who were struggling. I didn’t reach out before because I was too busy and I didn’t know how to approach them or what to say. Now I realize that you don’t need to say anything. Sometimes silence is golden and a hug or a card is all that is needed. I love each of you for your different ways of responding. Some are by my side every day, others do investigative research, some make me laugh and some cry with me, and everyone seems to pray with me :) I really don’t want to explain every detail of every day with ALL of my friends.

When someone was upset I thought “What did I do?”. To this day I still hate Facebook because when I see certain posts I think it is about me. Just as you might be thinking that this is about you. If it resonates with you and you learn something positive from it great. BUT, please don’t stress over it because I’m not speaking about anyone specific. As I have been told many times in my life, “It’s not all about YOU”. Worry less and smile more :)

To my family, please know that I love you. Thank you for being strong and for staying by my side. Together, WE GOT THIS !!!

The other most difficult part of this is Charley. She insists on telling everyone that we meet that her Mother can’t drive. If you haven’t seen me yet, I don’t look sick on the outside so most people probably think I got a DUI! She will be graduating preschool soon and her class is performing to “Baby You Can Drive My Car” from the Beatles. She adds the lyric “even if you don’t have your driver’s license”. Priceless BUT embarrassing!

Health Update: Tuesday I meet with the oncologist. I’m trying to also have another MRI and meet with another neuro surgeon. Hoping to get an update from the insurance company Tuesday too. Why is it that everyone makes it a four day weekend? Please enjoy your family and friends this weekend and take time to tell them how you feel.

Learn From My Mistakes ~ Why Make Your Own?

2011-05-26T08:32:00.000-04:00

You may wonder why on earth would I share my private stories on Facebook and with the world. I feel compelled to. If you can learn from my mistakes and have a happy, healthy joyful life NOW nothing would make me happier. So when you generously ask me for help and what can you do to help me, I beg you to help yourself and LISTEN & JUST DO IT!

Please if you won’t do it for yourself do it for your children.

We all have cancer cells in our body. Luckily only some of us will actually become ill from cancer. I posted a link to a video today from David Servan-Schreiber,MD Phd He is a doctor/scientist who actually had brain cancer himself. He wrote Anti cancer A NEW WAY OF LIFE. It is an excellent book. It gives me hope because he is still alive and his brain tumor was found when he was 31. Don’t wait to be in my position please act on this now.

I’m just as guilty, when my father developed colon cancer 11 years ago I promised that I would make changes in my life. I DID NOTHING. Not until I was personally affected did I change my diet or find GOD. Funny thing is I have never been happier. Charley has a tough time understanding that I am sick because I don’t look it. How long has this tumor been growing in my head? What caused it? I guess I will never know the answers to those questions and I don’t want to make you paranoid but don’t ignore your body talking to you. I knew that I wasn’t feeling well since July. I ran, went to the gym tried every diet under the sun but was only looking to get skinny not to get healthy. Now I am losing weight! I believed traditional medicine and doctors. Sadly now I am where I am. ILLNESS IS BIG BUSINESS for doctors, pharmaceutical companies and sadly even charities. Do your research. Don’t believe everything that you are told, even what I tell you. Read, research and understand things for yourself. Especially regarding your health and that of your loved ones. Usually a blend of traditional and natural medicine is the answer. I found a great book yesterday at Borders. Prescription for Drug Alternatives. Please get a copy. My Pop Pop always said you are what you eat. And boy was he right. He used to laugh and say you want me to take advice from that unhealthy out of shape doctor? Honestly if he can’t help himself how is he going to help me. He had a point! I think I am going to ask every one of my doctors if they have had an MRI or Pet scan from now on! They are just going to LOVE me! lol

Please do not wait for something tragic to happen in your life to make the changes that will keep you happy and healthy. If you do not have the money to buy these books and need help please contact me directly. Remember your children will follow your lead in life. YOU are their role model. Eat well, smile, be kind and honor God and they will too.

We will all make mistakes and that is normal however if we make little changes every day we can do this.

As for my health update. Not much has changed. I am trying to get a 3rd neuro pathologist to diagnose my tumor at John Hopkins. They are unsure if it is a grade II or III. If it is a II I will get radiation. If it is a III I need both radiation and chemo. Either way I will integrate Dr Schreiber's suggestions into our life. I want my kids to be healthy and their grand kids too! That will be my legacy. Best inheritance ever ;) Your prayers are working please continue to pray for me. The prayer request today is that I get written insurance approval for Proton Therapy. Tomorrow will be seven weeks since my surgery. From the time that I get my insurance approval it will be 2 1/2 weeks of prep before I can start radiation. I am ready to get moving on my journey to health. Pray for me and my family please.

Also I started a private Facebook Group for people with brain tumors, HOUSE OF HOPE. If you know of someone who would benefit from this please put them in touch with me. That way you all don't have to be subjected to all of my rantings!!!

WE GOT THIS !!!

Generosity & Hope

2011-05-23T05:24:00.000-04:00

This weekend my Pastor gave a sermon on Generosity. He explained how it is better to give than to receive. That we all recognize the wonderful feeling that we get when we receive but when we give it is that much more rewarding. He said that we know it in our heads but for some reason it is difficult to transfer to our hearts so that it actually happens. There are so many ways to be generous, financially, with your time, talent, etc. You just have to use your imagination and heart.

Last night my family celebrated 15 years of Hamilton Township PAL. These amazing women dedicate endless hours of their time volunteering to organize a dance recital for 265 of our local children. From November until May, weekly they teach the children how to dance and do what is necessary behind the scenes to make this happen for our children. As I remember from the years that I was fortunate enough to be a volunteer teacher, you don’t pay for costumes or lessons. The only fundraising is the skating party. As a parent, it is easy to sit back and criticize about many things. Ask a parent who has been involved in a paid dance program you probably would do that there too. If your heart chooses to be negative rather than positive you can always find bad to talk about.

Sadly most people in our local economy have fallen on difficult times. Many have lost their jobs. As a result we see many programs for our youth disappearing. Without the many volunteers who make this possible you may not have this opportunity for your children. In addition to the program they give scholarships to three Senior Dancers. I donated $100 towards the cause last night. My cousin Colleen was special enough to recognize that this could enable them to start a fourth scholarship as there was one more Senior that they wanted to honor. Last night Carol Wright our PAL representative asked us to think of our own way to say Thank You. So you may be wondering how can I help? I don’t have any time left in my busy schedule. We are having a tough time making ends meet. I don’t know how to dance so I can’t teach. For weeks, God has been sending me messages of ways to help and it came together in my mind at 2:30 am this morning. I want to bring it from my heart to life. It has two parts so be patient with me :)

My passion is photography, I would love to make it my career but it does not cover my expenses let alone any bills. A few years ago I took photographs of your dancers backstage. I have posted them on my SmugMug website so that you can receive them. The good news is you will also be giving while receiving. Every purchase that you make will go towards the fourth Scholarship (and hopefully a fifth if you tell Grandmom and Grandpop about the site too). http://michellephy.smugmug.com/Dance/PALDance/15611602_Bsb93/ If you click on this link and go to the site you will be able to see the gallery. The password for this gallery is PAL. Look around, you can have t-shirts and other items made in addition to just prints. You will see other galleries too, such as swimming, soccer & track. If you purchase items from those I will donate those funds to those specific organizations. If I am blessed to keep my eyesight I will continue to photograph local events and do the same thing.

The second part of my plan is the House of Hope. For those of you that don’t know I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The details are in the last four or five posts on my blog. There are many local families going through similar circumstances and by the grace of GOD a new local initiative has been started by Former US Rep Patrick Kennedy in Absecon, NJ. You may have seen his interview on CNN last night. It is officially being launched in Boston this week.

“By consolidating lobbying, research and development efforts, the One Mind for Brain Research initiative seeks to revolutionize research and treatment for neurological disorders, mental health and other issues related to the brain.”

For every home that we sell at Century21 Glencove-Morris I will personally donate $100 to that cause. So that gives US an opportunity to give once again. And don’t worry, I’m a fighter so with the help of my husband George and my fabulous team, we are here to make it happen for you.

Volunteering as a dance instructor for three years brought my heart such joy, I hope that my health will return and I can continue to do that again. Your children are amazing, their smiles made my night! Enjoy them they grow up way too fast. I didn’t even recognize some of my little tiny dancers who have grown into young ladies over night. Great job Girls !!!

The More You Love The Better

2011-05-18T10:05:00.001-04:00

"It's not who you are, it's not what you have, it's not where you live, it's not what you do, it's only, only about who you love, and who loves you. And the more you love, the better! " Suzanne Somers

I feel like I am cramming for the biggest exam or research paper of my life. So many options, so many decisions, and how do you know which to make? Trying to keep the faith and hope that God will guide me with the right decisions. To me it is quality of life not quantity right now.

Tomorrow is the big day, we will see if my Proton Therapy is approved. If I believe that cell phone radiation and stress caused my tumor why would I radiate my brain as therapy? If anyone has any research or knowledge on the subject can you please contact me.

Let Your Light Shine

2011-05-15T05:36:00.001-04:00

11/365 iPhone, originally uploaded by shellsells.

Good Morning Everyone :)

How would it feel if your children asked you to go to church? If that isn’t happening maybe you are at the wrong church. Prior to going to Shore Fellowship, my daughter and I shopped around for a church. I was like Goldilocks. This one is too small, too big, too conservative, too progressive. And in the end we went no where until one day Taylor was invited to Youth Group at Shore Fellowship with a friend. She loved it and wanted to go back. She was begging me to try her church.

When I first starting going to church at Shore I would sit and listen but not truly believe. There was conflict in my heart about what was being said. I didn’t understand many things and I was too embarrassed about my lack of religious education to ask questions.
I tell you this not to make excuses for myself, and certainly not to upset my parents, but so that you will recognize the importance of religion in your home and for your children.
You may have a relationship with God but do your children? And just showing up at church doesn’t count. There are many people who have a wonderful relationship with God and it is a direct line. The church is man made and not a requirement but I find it extremely beneficial. On the surface this is probably going to sound like I am trying to recruit you to my church. Please look deeper. Would you make yourself and your families lives this open to the public if that was your only goal? I want your children to have a relationship with God. It can be you who teaches them and not a church but many times they tune the parents out because we have so many other things to teach them about life. If you are currently attending a church but the kids are reluctant to go, start looking for a new one. Leave your hang ups and defensiveness at the door and just think about your children. This isn’t about you. Luckily, when you find the right “home” you will feel such joy in your heart that you will want to share it.

Last week’s Mother’s Day service was excellent. If you would like to try out Shore Fellowship turn on TV40 Sunday at 9am. Or you can always go online to
http://shorefellowship.net/shore_series_listing and watch any of the past services. If you are having marriage troubles watch the “Show Me The Door” series.

I had every excuse for not going to church.
“Why do I need to be saved? Just because they lived their life to an extreme I have to be judged?”
“I only get one day with my family I want to spend it together”
“We don’t have time”
“They only want our money”
“I won’t fit in”
“I don’t know anything about the Bible or church, I will stick out like a sore thumb”
“The House of Hypocrites, we would look for things to pick on about people who were dedicated to the church to justify our reasons for not attending”

If you and your children already have a relationship with God and look forward to going to church each week I am so very happy for you. This isn’t about increasing #’s or $’s it is about helping one person or family as I have been helped. There were many people who planted seeds for several years to help me and I rejected it. I understand if you are not ready as I wasn’t either. But when you are we are here for you and your children.
Let’s increase the odds of our children surviving in this crazy world, give them a solid foundation because lets face it life isn’t always easy. Open your heart and your mind for them, please. Today I am going to say goodbye to a friend. I only wish I had reached out to her before and opened my eyes to see her pain. It breaks my heart that I didn’t take the time to invite her to my church in her time of need. I don’t want to repeat that mistake. If you are troubled and scared, reach out to me and I will go with you the first time.

Mays Landing Memories

2011-05-14T06:40:00.001-04:00

Good Morning Everyone ~ This is a flower from one of my walks this week. It is from a childhood friend's gorgeous garden that I admire (her and the garden). Funny thing is she was my husband's 1st girlfriend. And that is why I love Mays Landing, interbreeding (just kidding). That our lives intertwine and it is ok we are still friends. You know that I love quotes and I would like to share one that was on my 13year old's Facebook page. "Be kinder than you need to be to people because you never know what struggles they are facing". I love you baby doll :) Have a wonderful weekend and take those words to heart.

Love Everyone ~ A Tribute to My Mom Mom

2011-05-11T05:39:00.001-04:00

When I was young my grandparents lived in Harding Lakes. While they were babysitting us these young boys would always just run into the house as if it was there own. At the time I did not understand. Later it was explained to me that these boys tragically lost their mother. My Mom Mom loved them so. My favorite was the youngest mischievous one with the cute smile.

After joining Shore Fellowship, I ran into my favorite only to find he was a man now with a beautiful family. It does my heart good to know that he is okay. I'm sure that my Mom Mom and his Mom talk and watch over us today in heaven.

Yesterday I was weak and let someones negative comments on Facebook get the best of me. I threatened to unfriend the negative or non existent people on my "friend" list. My friend contacted me and reminded me to remember who I am and who God wants me to be to "everyone". We messaged back and forth.

This morning I prayed at 5am to God to give me a message worthy of sharing with you. When I opened my Facebook messages this is what I received from my friend.

"Sometimes we need to be reminded that we're all God's children. Regardless of how others may treat us we need to love them....especially those who judge us and cause us harm by their selfish words and or deeds. How easy it is to love and care for those who put a smile on our face, and how difficult it is to tell someone who makes us feel less then that we love them too. Shell...you are so special and God loves you so much! I know that whatever challenges he puts in front of us we must not get trapped up in fear and resentment. What you are going thru I could never understand- but who are we to question God's will. You're not crazy sweetheart.....what you are is a blessing and a testament to us all that we can overcome anything if we just believe in God and his will for us. I pray daily that in this time of need you never feel alone for so many people, friends and family, believe in you and love you and most importantly God loves you honey and so do I !!

Thank You God for sending the words that I needed to hear through someone who you knew I would listen to and who wouldn't mind me sharing his words.

On the health front, Monday I went to Jefferson to learn my treatment options. After praying and further research I have decided to get a 2nd opinion at Penn today. They have a new technology called Proton Therapy. There are only 7 machines in the world and one happens to be an hour away. Please pray that I am a candidate for this therapy and that the Doctors will guide me with what is best for me personally. Because I am an individual NOT a statistic. Love you lots and again I apologize if I upset anyone yesterday it wasn't my intention.

My Family Lives In a Garden by Taylor Phy

2011-05-06T09:25:00.002-04:00

Thirsty?, originally uploaded by shellsells.

My daughter Taylor who is 13 years old wrote this poem in 5th grade. Her teacher Miss Sullivan did a fabulous job helping her express her feelings that year.

My Family Lives In A Garden
Charley is the flower, pink and perfect always looking beautiful
My Mom is the bee, loud and buzzing on the phone
I am the weeds, annoying, and jagged always getting in peoples way
My Dad is the soil, strong and powerful holding everything in place

Sometimes life gets too busy and we forget to slow down. God must have felt I wasn't listening and realized a change needed to be made for me to be able to appreciate life.

One of my childhood best friends called me yesterday. He said "Shell I am so happy that you are at peace with this, but I have to admit I'm not happy about it at all". I said "Hon, I would rather live 5 or 10 years as happy as I am right now rather than 50 more years walking around dead". He said "Shell how could you not be happy you have everything." On the surface we did have material things. But the best things in life aren't material. Joy in your heart and special moments with your children are what life is all about. A quiet evening with your significant other spent talking. Look at Taylor's poem. She was crying out for help, she had wisdom beyond her years. Now I see it as :

~ Charley gets all of the attention.
~ My Mom works too much and is always on the phone.
~ I am always in the way, everyone is too busy for me.
~ Daddy is strong and holds us together.

Why wasn't I hearing her before? I was running 3 businesses and going 120 mph at all times. I never slowed down enough to appreciate the best things in life. I believe that God gave me this brain tumor to wake me up. And quite honestly I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't consider it a curse I consider it a cure. I am a fighter and now have a reason to live. Every day is a joy. God heard my cry for help.

This weekend please take the time to analyze how you spend your time. Are you interacting with your family or are you rushing around. Maybe we don't have to be in 3 sports, maybe church on Sunday is a necessity rather than an option. If your kids don't want to go to church maybe it is time to try to find another one. I don't want to sound "preachy" but I want everyone to feel the happiness that I feel. The hole in my heart is gone.

To the many working moms that tell me I am an inspiration I want to say Happy Mother's Day and let you know that you are the true inspiration. But give yourself the gift of happiness this weekend. Dance with your kids, talk to your husband, express your true feelings. If you aren't happy, figure out what it would take to fix it. Do whatever makes you smile.

On the health front, yesterday I tried on wigs and broke down. Wow, what a reality check. It was emotionally draining but my support system of wonderful friends and humor carried me through and I woke up happy ready to conquer another day. Monday is my meeting with the neurosurgeon, radiologist and oncologist at Penn to learn about the treatment options. Prayers are always helpful and all of your messages are like hugs :) However I do ask that you respect my immediate family's privacy. My time with them is precious. I will continue to post updates here on the blog. Please don't text, chat, message or call my family with questions. It is terribly emotional and time consuming. We appreciate your well wishes and concerns but value our time together now more than ever. Thank You. Have a wonderful weekend ~ it is supposed to be gorgeous. How is your family's garden growing?

Will this make you smile again Mommy?

2011-05-05T05:22:00.002-04:00

Will this make you smile again Mommy?, originally uploaded by shellsells.

Ok, once again I pre-apologize this is going to get deep!

I love the pre apology. For several years we boated on the Chesapeake with a great group of friends. Fun wasn’t an option with this group it was a dynamic synergy. We were so very lucky to spend those fun filled weeks together. And today those people reach out to me and help me in any way that they can. Sorry I will try to focus, back to the reason for the story. When we would get to a restaurant one of the girls would pre apologize to the restaurant owner, staff and patrons that we like to have fun and tend to get a little loud. When did laughter become a bad thing? Well anyway I would always say it was ok for me to be boisterous because we were out of NJ and no one in Maryland was going to buy a house from me anyway. If any of you are reading this, I think we need to do another trip this summer! I won’t be ready until the end of July, early August but would love to laugh that hard again. So try the pre apology and laugh out loud this weekend. It’s ok, actually it is healthy. Smiles and laughter are love.

The depth is coming.... have you ever seen Shrek? For those of you who haven’t, rent it. If you have children I know that you will relate as they have made you watch this movie 1,000 and you didn’t mind because of the adult humor that we hope flies over their heads. Shrek and the donkey talk about Shrek being like an onion. You have to peel back his layers. Last night it occurred to me that is me. Over the years I have been hurt by people or at least in my own mind. Being vulnerable and opening your heart subjects you to that. BUT it would be worse not to experience the love that many people are willing to give you if you would let them. Look at my last post and the reaction to it. If I hadn’t peeled back the layers and been vulnerable many of you wouldn’t have been compelled to respond. I wouldn’t violate their trust but I received as many personal messages, emails and phone calls as what was publicly posted.
So maybe you can relate to me. When you are young you are vulnerable and happy.
As we grow older things happen. I would try to write this myself but I bought a sign in Cape May the other day when two of my favorite people took me the other day. It says it perfectly, why reinvent the wheel?

“As you grow up, you will have your heart broken more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures. Laugh too much and love like you’ve never been hurt. Because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.” ~ Anonymous

I always like to post a photo with my messages but it is dark out right now ( I started writing at 4:30am now you know why I can't sleep with all of this running around in my head) and I can’t take the photo outside that I want to. Yesterday in my garden my purple clematis bloomed. It is gorgeous ~ I owe you a photo later today. Please pray for my eyesight to improve or at least for me to make an appointment to help myself! I’m not lazy just busy. My eyes are going to improve so that I am passionate about photography again.

So if they onion/Shrek analogy isn’t working for you think of the morning glory. It closes up at night to protect itself and reopens with the sunshine. I’m not sure if the clematis does the same thing but it would be great for my story if it does. I love gardening but never had enough spare time to embrace it. Maybe that is why this is happening to me? I am going to work in my garden for therapy this summer. Then I will know the answer to this question because I will take the time to discover and Charley will ask me hundreds of ?’s so I will have to figure it out! Just the thought makes me smile.

Back to my story. I am notorious for not letting people in because I have been hurt so many times. I want to believe, so I trust people and then I get hurt. The silver lining is that my friends who I know I can trust experience the true me. You know the friends I am talking about. The ones that you can go forever without talking to and pick up right where you left off. They don’t get mad at you for not staying in touch. They realize that the world is crazy hectic and any time spent together is to be treasured.

This experience has caused me to open up and so far most of you have embraced me and shown me such love, support and laughter it makes me want to stay open. But if that trust is violated I will close up. I pray that I will have the strength to continue to not care what others think and that I will just follow my heart and God and open my heart. Because it is a wonderful joy that I have been experiencing since I did. Let’s stop being judgmental of others and instead look at how we can help one another and spread laughter and joy.

I was reading my daughter’s profile the other day and saw under religion she said:
“Going to heaven one way or another” Oh how I love that girl. She is filled with a beautiful spirit and my hope for her is that no one is ever able to crush it. Tomorrow I will share a poem with you that she wrote. Today I will take a photo to accompany it.

A wonderful friend from high school has been sending me flowers. Beth Rabush owns Pocket Full of Posies in Smithville. She asked me what my favorite flower was and it is my wedding flower the cala lilly. Unselfishly two deliveries came with gorgeous cala lillie s that I am sure she had to order. Then yesterday she texted me about peonies and asked if I like them. I love them. George’s grandmother has beautiful peonies and they have a special meaning to me. She delivered them to me yesterday to make me smile. I asked to pay for them because I feel that everyone should be compensated for their work as it takes them away from time spent with their family. She said you pay me when you are healthy and selling lots of houses again. Mind you Beth and I haven’t spoken much since high school. What a beautiful soul. So today I am ordering my mother’s day flowers from her shop Pocket Full of Posies in Smithville. Not to get commercial on you but I would like to show her that paying it forward is rewarded (it already has happened in her heart but she still has bills to pay like all of us) If you are celebrating your Moms this weekend would you consider using her store? Or stop in, it is in Smithville on Moss Mill Road. She has giftware too and funny little cocktail napkins that will make you laugh. I owe you photos of her flowers too! Looks like I am going to have to break out the camera today after all.

Ok I am exceeding your attention span and upsetting my family with my wordiness! If you are a teacher and cringing at my grammar, spelling or lack of writing ability , help me or better yet make it your personal quest to develop a lesson plan that teaches our children the proper way to express themselves.

Take the time to celebrate your Mother’s this week. Open up to them, tell them something that you have been holding inside. They love you. It doesn’t have to cost money. Any mother I know would treasure a hand written note or card and a quiet walk with their children. Just SHOW them that you love them. No regrets ~ open your heart. Peel back the onion or if that is too smelly for you bloom like a flower. You have to be vulnerable to experience joy. Don’t let fear hold you back.

In My Sister's Arms

2011-05-03T06:17:00.004-04:00

Ok I’m OUT! This would have been a lot fairer if everyone had to quit FB for 24 hours. When you go to write a mean comment after this think about it and answer to yourself, don’t judge me try to do it. I’m not talking about the FB voyeurs who don’t share, I’m talking about my true fellow addicts. The ones who don’t sleep and play with me on FB in the wee hours. To those of you who still think I failed, oh well, We are not worthy of your approval. Who has the problem? Not me because I am smiling as I write this.

Taylor & George, I never wish to disappoint you, and I’m sorry for blowing up your wall but I am who I am. You can un friend me if you so choose, but I have your passwords and can re friend me too! Taylor maybe your school will give you a curve on your NJASK tests today if you show them how your Mom embarrasses you on a daily basis!
But I also want to thank you Taylor because yesterday you taught me something and I am empowered again. I love learning from my children! It gives me faith that they will be ok no matter what happens. What 13 year old stands up to her Mom like she did. She called me out and said. “Mom you are writing telling people to live their lives while you are on Facebook writing all day. You are going to die on Facebook!” WOW, quite powerful! I am so very proud of you. After that I forced myself to put my crutches down and do something. I had been leaning on my family too much because they wanted to help me and it felt good to have someone else take care of me for a change. When you are independent for so many years and do everything for yourself it is quite the adjustment. So I picked up the phone and started calling the hospitals to get copies of all of my records. I need a QuarterBack for my health care and who better to do it than controlling me? It felt so empowering going to the hospital and getting my records. I didn’t even know that I was allowed too. When you are raised to be polite you don’t 2nd guess professionals. But it is your life, your body, and if you want to have a future YOU need to take control. Try it, it is EMPOWERING.

The reality is last night I spent hours on the phone and computer answering the same questions to people who love and care about me. I don’t have that much time. (For clarification I am not dying this was just a choice of words) So efficiency is my solution. One of my BFF’s came up with a great idea. I will use my personal blog. http://michellephy.blogspot.com/ to share my story and updates. I have learned so much and want others to take control of their health. So if sharing my story helps one other person I will write it. I feel compelled to write, It helps me. When I write I feel strong. When I speak out loud , I want to cry. It is far to real when I have to say it out loud. Please bear with me. I learned yesterday that there are many of you who like to read what I write ~ thank you for caring and sharing. I love you. And for those of you who “liked” Taylor’s swift move yesterday I will admit I almost unfriended YOU. But you get a 2nd chance. You too can follow my blog even though you weren’t much of a supporter!

GOD is helping me on this journey. Don’t judge me if I talk about it out loud. I need to share. Call me a bible thumper if you like. Who has got the problem? Not me. Whatever brings me comfort is what I will do. My church family has given me strength and it brings me comfort to know that my House, Shore Fellowship, is a glimpse of Heaven on Earth and I know that those people will be there for my family no matter what. Don’t read into this. Many of you who have been right by my side through this so far are not members of my church. That doesn’t matter. I will accept your help either way. It isn’t often today that a teenager asks to go to church, mine does. That tells me something. In this crazy world I am grateful for that. We are doing something right. Yes they ask for money ~ wake up ~ every church does. But if you could see the good that they do and really hear what they are saying maybe you could leave your judgements or preconceived thoughts at the door (or movie theatre lobby- as my friend calls it) and really open your heart. Give our children a chance, they shouldn’t be embarrassed about having a relationship with God. Be honest that isn’t a world that any of us want to live in. (Ok 2 paragraphs on the church I might be losing some of you. It would have freaked me out 8 months ago. ) We fear the unknown, it’s ok that is natural.

As for my health update. I have 3 months to live ( I am just kidding ~ bad joke, just wanted to make sure that I didn’t lose you in the last 2 paragraphs) Nope you are stuck with me. I am a fighter and you might have to deal with me bald for a little while. But I am going to have some great wigs and you men are going to be envious of George because I will be ready 1 hour before your wives! Can you imagine if you wife didn’t have to do her hair? If she just put on a different wig every day and was ready in 5! Wow. Plus it could be like you have a different wife every day when you really are still committed to the same one! I think this one might be a trend setter. I’m going to open an online wig store!!!

Seriously, I had a brain tumor, it was an Oligodendroglioma about the size of a golf ball. They tell me that they removed 95% of it. Hopefully that is accurate :) I will let you know when I receive the records and see it for myself. The grade is 2.5. A grade 2 is benign and a 3 is malignant. 16% of the cells were slightly more aggressive so they want to treat it is a 3 to be safe. Better safe than sorry, I’ll agree with that! I am waiting for a radiology appointment, the one that I was supposed to have yesterday. It didn’t happen. No call back from the Doctor and we have been calling since Thursday! Can you imagine if I did that with a house? And this is my brain! Communication is too easy today. Text me, email me, call me, tweet me, whatever just tell me! I can handle it if I understand it. So the details of the radiation are sketchy. I won’t know until next Monday. I am tempted to have Aline Dix take over for me. Wouldn’t that be fun. Betcha I would get answers then. ( Love you girl ~ that is a compliment.) So it isn’t clear if I have cancer or not. My understanding from Dr Lurakis who has been such a love it that that part is irrelevant. Dr. L lost his mom to cancer (a non-malignant brain tumor) when he was 18 and she was 44. He takes the time to explain everything to me. And puts it into terms I can relate to. What a wonderful man. (Yes we wait in the lobby for some time BUT the good things are worth waiting for) Would you rather go to a restaurant with no line that it is ok or wait a little bit for awesome food? Think about it when you are at the OC Boardwalk this summer and decide to wait in that crazy line for Mack N Manco’s pizza when there are 5 other pizza places surrounding it. Why is everyone waiting? My answer is heck if I’m going to eat pizza and take in those calories it had better be mouth watering. And it is!!!

I am going to need radiation. We don’t know what kind or which hospital. But right now I believe it is going to be Monday - Friday for 6 weeks in Philadelphia at Penn or Jefferson. Which leads me to my next request. Many of you have expressed that you want to help me in any way that you can. Honestly there are 2 ways.

1) Pray for me & my family. I will be at my girls weddings and I hope that they are on a beach on an exotic island (as long as the grooms parents are paying ~ lol) Sorry Taylor your suitor list just dropped. If any of the parents of the boys you like happen to read this they are going to tell them to ditch you! But I have a feeling finding a wonderful man won’t be to difficult for a smart, funny beautiful girl like you. Just wanted to embarrass you a little more.

My family is being spread very thin. If you haven’t caught on I can be a little intense. George, Jen & my parents need a break. I need your help. Wouldn’t it be a beautiful thing if radiation was fun? What if a different person drove me every day. We could catch up and laugh on our hour ride to Philly. Do the radiation for ? , see the city ( eat or go to the zoo or a play) and then drive home for another hour together. ( I should warn you that I also thought that getting a Brazilian with my friend would be fun too. And It wasn’t as I envisioned. But it was and to this day is very funny. )
So if you are interested there are 30 spots and I will need a commitment. No last minute back outs. You wouldn’t want me to blog about you badly would you. Ha ha.
I already have a plan B so if the response to this idea sucks I will still survive :)

Speaking of George, I’m not sure if you are aware but George has been working with me in real estate since he was laid off from the carpenters union 2 1/2 years ago. He has been licensed since we starting dating ( a requirement in our family). So in my absence he is the King and can help you. (Many of my clients prefer to work with him ~ he is less wordy!) Anyway, I’m not dead and George needs to earn money to pay for our health insurance. So the last way you can help us is to support our office. Here is a testimonial that does my heart good :) I love my Home Team ~ you guys rock!!! And thank you Joanne for taking the time to share and allowing me to do the same with your support :) www.seekorsell.com

Joanne Sundermann April 25 at 5:55pm Report
Hi Michelle. I hope you are doing well and on the mend. I hope your test results came out okay. I just wanted to let you know what a great job your staff is doing in your absence. Not that we don't miss you, but they are doing a great job. The house has been showing and everyone has been so nice, prompt and professional. Get well. We miss seeing your smiling face..

I know that Realtors often get a bad rap and now I know why. Can you believe that my competitors are trying to recruit my agents and bad mouth me to my clients during this time. What a crock! I’m not a magician, honestly the market isn’t the greatest. If you are priced right I will sell your home. But if you aren’t listening and you price it high and it isn’t a good deal it isn’t going to sell in this market. So if you really want to move we will help you find a solution but pricing is key. Don’t blame the Realtor or my health for your house not selling. I will tell you the truth about today's market values and my team systematically knows what to do to get the marketing and communication in place. You will not be disappointed by our service. And if you are you text, call email or tweet me personally and I will find a solution. And it won’t take 6 days for me to get back to you like my doctor. My assistant Diane is fabulous and can solve most problems but if you feel like you need to talk to me you know where to find me. Give me a chance to solve it before you get your panties in a bunch. And as I said everyone loves George so you can call him 1st 609-742-0364. But you can’t keep him ~ he is mine!

Ok I think I am done. Again I pre apologize for having so much to say but remember you guys made me quit for 24 hours so a lot built up inside of me :) For 40 years I was raised not to “share” our private stuff with the world because it makes you vulnerable. I don’t disagree with that BUT at this point in my life I want to SHARE. And will continue to do so if you show me you want to listen. So hit follow on my blog, comment or like so that I know you are listening. And we are competitive in our family so it would be great to get a win on this issue with George & Taylor. LOL Help me out please. I love you all ! Funny I couldn’t even win Miss Mays Landing but I feel like Miss America right now!

Occam's Razor

2011-02-03T07:20:00.002-05:00

Occam's Razor, originally uploaded by shellsells.

"Simplicity is power and Occam's Razor showed us long ago that the simplest and quickest solution is usually the best."

Dedicated to a mind expanding lady :)

"Life is like a ten-speed bicycle"

2011-01-31T22:33:00.001-05:00

"Life is like a ten-speed bicycle", originally uploaded by shellsells.

Life is like a ten-speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.

~ Charles Schulz ~

One of the keys to living a full life is doing just that -- living. Use all the gears you have so the climbs will be easy and the coasts will be a breeze. As you go through your weekend take notice of everything.
Experience everything -- on purpose.

A Legacy to Live By....

2011-01-08T10:58:00.001-05:00

Taste of Heaven, originally uploaded by shellsells.

One often thinks of a legacy as something of material value.
However my Pop Pop, Vern Nandal gave us all something of much more value than that. As I think back over the years I cannot think of one time when he said something bad about someone.

Don't get me wrong he was human and would speak in generalities "Honey, in life you will find there are alot of people that know a little but want to tell you alot. Be careful who you listen to" . But he would never specifically direct it towards someone. He accepted that everyone makes mistakes and that is part of life. There were many qualities that he embodied......

Strong & Healthy ~If you weren't feeling well you could always count on Pop Pop for an excellent home remedy. He was very well versed from the library that he accumulated from Berlin Auction!

Gentle and loving ~ You knew you were loved as you could feel it even in his touch. He was never afraid to express his feelings.

Talented and wise ~ My grandfather was always buying and building homes and even had a motel on the White Horse Pike in Absecon. The real estate market started to get extremely challenging and I would talk with my Pop Pop as he always put things in perspective for me. "Oh honey whatever goes up must come down and then then it will go up again." He looked at things with a long term perspective.

Accepting ~ Never tried to change anyone he just accepted them for who they are.

Peaceful ~ Never raised his voice, he would just quietly offer a different point of view. He said that he grew up in a quiet, happy home that everyone always wanted to be at. He felt that many of todays problems would be solved if parents created that same peaceful home rather than the loud ones that exist today.

Fun Loving ~ He rarely could be caught at home he was always out and about enjoying everything that life has to offer.

At Christmas I am always reminded of my grandfather. He taught me through his actions that giving the gift of life was so much more valuable than required material gifts. If he saw something in his travels that resonanted with him he would get it for you regardless of whether it was a gift giving holiday or not. It was so much more meaningful that way.

My mother reminds me that you never really have to say goodbye. She knows that her grandparents and now her father are always close by. When faced with a challenge she asks herself what they would do. That's where their legacy lives on within each and every one of us.

Today is my grandfather's birthday. I celebrate him and all of the wonderful traits that we loved about him. As a tribute I would ask that you try, if only for one whole day to accept what is and not say a bad word about another. Remember that your children and grandchildren may embody your legacy. What is it that you hope for them to learn from you?

"Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us." ~ Albert Einstien

In My Sister's Arms

2010-08-16T13:17:00.001-04:00

In My Sister's Arms, originally uploaded by shellsells.

“Is solace anywhere more comforting than that in the arms of a sister.”

~Alice Walker

JOYFUL SOUL

2010-08-15T14:54:00.001-04:00

JOYFUL SOUL, originally uploaded by shellsells.

"The world is extremely interesting to a joyful soul"
~ Alexandra Stoddard

Happiness is a Journey, not a Destination

2010-07-21T06:41:00.001-04:00

Happiness is a Journey, not a Destination, originally uploaded by shellsells.

For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.

At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. ~ souza

Walk A Little Slower Daddy

2010-06-20T07:37:00.001-04:00

Walk A Little Slower Daddy, originally uploaded by shellsells.

Walk a little slower daddy
I'm right behind you
Walk a little slower daddy
Let me follow you

Walk a little slower daddy
In your footsteps i stride
Walk a little slower daddy
By your words i will abide

Walk a little slower daddy
Your going to fast for me
Walk a little slower daddy
Your ways i need to see

Walk a little slower daddy
Each moment i take in
Walk a little slower daddy
The rope we walk is thin

Walk a little slower daddy
Your strides are way fast
Walk a little slower daddy
Make these moments last

Walk a little slower daddy
Take in the country air
Walk a little slower daddy
Show me that you care

Walk a little slower daddy
My life's yet to unfurl
Walk a little slower daddy
I'm yet your little girl

Courtney Beaulieu

What inspires you?

2010-05-11T10:12:00.003-04:00

Inspiration, originally uploaded by shellsells.

When I run in the morning I often get to 3.5 miles and want to walk. On my usual route there is a memorial dedicated to a young man that was killed in a car accident. It is a reminder to me that my ability to run is a gift, I run for him because he can’t.

This weekend my family and co workers ran in the Shirley Mae 5K in Atlantic City, NJ. The organization began in 2000 and raises money for Breast Cancer Assistance for women in South Jersey. There are over 2500 participants in the day’s events. Many run in memory of their loved ones. More than 2 million breast cancer survivors are alive in America today. It is quite inspiring to see the many survivors who run in the event; it is those women that we celebrate!

We all have so many things to be grateful for. Many times it takes gentle reminders to realize this. We should all focus on the things that we do have, such as our good health and family, rather than what we don’t. The next time you begin to complain about something that doesn’t seem to be going well take a moment to think about just how lucky you are. And if you are in my circle of family and friends, please remind me when I slip up too.

Opportunities

2010-04-03T16:14:00.001-04:00

Opportunities, originally uploaded by shellsells.

“Opportunities are like sunrises
-- if you wait too long, you miss them.”
~William Arthur Ward

Sunrise is my favorite time of the day yet as much as I enjoy it I don't always take the time to wake up early and capture it. However when I do it is always and amazing experience.

During my lifetime I have had many opportunities that I have missed. Sometimes fear or comfort holds us back from amazing things. The times that I have seized the opportunity I have always been glad afterwards.

When I was 22 years old I purchased my first fixer upper at an auction. Believe me it was scary but it was also an amazing opportunity that gave me a head start in life. Until the end of April the Federal Government is giving 1st time home buyers $8,000 to buy a new home. Interest rates and home prices are the lowest they have been in years. This is an amazing opportunity that I would love to help guide some young people through the fear that holds you back.

Have You Lived Your Life To The Fullest?

2010-02-27T15:07:00.001-05:00

Have You Lived Your Life To The Fullest?, originally uploaded by shellsells.

Live each day by day
As if it were your last
And treasure all the memories of your past
Do all the things that you wanted to do
And tell someone you love em too
But most of all to yourself be true
By living each day brand new

Have you lived your life to the fullest?
Has your life over all been good?
Or do you while away the hours
With no purpose understood?
From this day on get yourself in gear
And do things with, the ones you hold dear
Cause after all the truth is quite clear
Now is the time to enjoy your life here

Sometimes I think to myself
If I were to die tomorrow
Would I be happy with the days of my past
Or would I think back, and feel sorrow
Not for all the mistakes in my life
But for the things that I wanted to try
How I wish I had taken the time
How I wish I had taken the time

~Kathleen West

Innocence

2010-02-25T17:49:00.003-05:00

Innocence, originally uploaded by shellsells.

"Being around children that small, you see how naturally they gravitate to the light. They're not cynical yet. It takes many years to unlearn that kind of innocence.”

~Sheryl Crow

Looking to Buy a Home ?

2010-02-17T11:58:00.000-05:00

For Buyers - QuickTime English

Merry Go Round

2010-02-01T10:26:00.001-05:00

Merry Go Round, originally uploaded by shellsells.

"It's essential that a part of you not grow up. Childhood wonder gives us our spark and beauty. "

~Robin Quivers

My Daughters' Daddy

2010-01-16T15:36:00.001-05:00

My other half :), originally uploaded by shellsells.

The bond between father and daughter happens instantly, starting right at birth,
When a father first lays eyes on his little girl he loves her more than anything on this earth,
When a daughter grows older her father is the first man she will love,
And the last one her father will have trouble letting go of,
In her eyes he is the closest thing to God, in her eyes he is a King,
To her father she means the world, she means everything.
When a daughter grows up to be an adult and mature,
Her father will always be there anytime she still needs dad to help her,
To give her advice or just-for anything she will ever need,
The bond between father and daughter is the most important bond indeed,
It cannot be broken when she finds a man, and become his wife,
It cannot be broken even in the ending of either ones life,
A daughter will always have the memories of her father, her best friend
This bond has a beginning, but there is never an end.
The bond between a father and daughter is so profound
The love shared is well renowned,
From the beginning of his daughters life, he is a changed man,
At that moment his life really just began.
From the moment their eyes meet,
two souls instantly become complete.

Father & Daughter by Heather Twining @FamilyFriendPoems

Stairway to Heaven

2009-11-14T07:38:00.001-05:00

Stairway to Heaven, originally uploaded by shellsells.

If Tears Could Build A Stairway
And Memories A Lane
I’d Walk Right Up To Heaven
And Bring You Home Again

We have all lost someone who we think about every day.
I find comfort in believing he is still here and imagining what wise
advice he would give. But sometimes I dream about seeing him again ~ holding his hand and sharing unspoken words. A stairway
to heaven would be so nice.

RIP Verner Nandal - I miss you Pop Pop

Paradise

2009-11-13T08:59:00.001-05:00

Paradise, originally uploaded by shellsells.

“Paradise is seldom recognized as such until it is considered from the outside.”
~ Hermann Hesse

Throughout my life I have found that many times I have taken special moments for granted. Maybe you can relate, do you remember all of the build up to your wedding day and how quickly it flashed before your eyes? Or your last vacation, before you knew it the week was over. You look at your children and wonder where the years have gone.

The person who truly finds paradise is the one who treasures every moment of every day - even the ordinary ones.
~ Michelle Phy

Sleeping Beauty

2009-10-16T01:03:00.001-04:00

Sleeping Beauty, originally uploaded by shellsells.

“Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.”
~Hans Christian Andersen

Not In Her Storm

2009-09-29T00:37:00.001-04:00

Not In Her Storm, originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

I see the clouds rolling in and oh how it looks like rain
And it is always I fight for the welcome change
When it rains it pours on this heart of mine
So, I take the storms I feel to her each time.

But I know she has lived under her own pouring rain
Yet under her water her heart still doesn't change
She can walk away from what hangs overhead
And, not in her storm, are words left unsaid.

Not in her storm have I ever felt alone
Her storm ends, so I, may find my way home
It's for me that she pushes away her own rain
So, that I may find comfort in calling her name.

She lives in this world for the sake of another's heart
God, how she eases the miles when worlds apart
And she never wanders when your world falls through
Not ever in her storm would she do this to you.

She has wings that I know not only I can see
Cause only an angel could find strength to carry me
It's the way that the eyes can surely view
How her heart's written so clearly in what an angel can do.

Not in her storm is her work ever done
And even in her storm she hands me the sun
When her world is dark - I always have light
And now how I hold the new color of night.

She takes then she gives to an unhappy face
So that many can find an awesome place
I have been able to love her more every day
And with her hand in mine the clouds roll away.

Not in any storm that I will ever live beneath
Could ever change what I hold here inside of me
Not in any of her storms have I lost my angels touch
To that angel out there, I love her so much.

~by Sauni

Shhh!

2009-09-26T11:54:00.001-04:00

Shhh!, originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

Shhh! Just Feel
by Lolly Peele

Shhh! Don't talk now
Listen with your heart
Close your eyes now
Look into your soul
Imagine, if you will
A time far away
Don't think now
Just feel with every fiber of your being
Listen to my words now
Tell me what you see
Are you alone now
Or are you with me?

Through The Eyes of a Child

2009-09-12T08:12:00.002-04:00

Through The Eyes of a Child, originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

Never underestimate the feelings of a child
Very small they may be but very sensitive inside

Too young you may think to understand
The complex way of life and what is going on around

But believe me when I say they understand much more
Than you could ever give them credit for

Every little detail is taken in and stored
Every little thing they see,hear and more

Small they might be but hearts so big
Sensitive to the way they are treated and live

Little people thats what they are
More intelligent than some adults by far

Not to be treated as if not in sight
Not to be ignored when you feel like

Listen to everything they want to say
There is a reason they are talking this way

Remember a child will often hide
The hurt and pain they maybe feeling inside

A child maybe very small
But their feeling and emotions are very tall

by Alicia Sloley

Never Forget

2009-09-11T13:43:00.001-04:00

Never Forget, originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

Never forget ..........

whose freedom we are fighting for.

to teach our children respect for our country and those who risk their lives to protect us.

The Carousel

2009-08-29T14:45:00.001-04:00

The Carousel, originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

“If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.”

~ Nadine Stair

Golden Hours

2009-08-18T07:05:00.001-04:00

Golden Hours, originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours.

They are one of the few things in this world that you get free of charge. If you had all the money in the world, you couldn't buy an extra hour.

What will you do with this priceless treasure?

Remember, you must use it, as it is given only once.
Once wasted you cannot get it back.

Sail Away

2009-08-18T06:13:00.001-04:00

Sail Away, originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

We cannot control the direction of the wind,
but maybe we can adjust our sails.

Fr. Emmerich Vogt

Life Lessons

2009-08-13T10:29:00.001-04:00

Life Lessons, originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

Slow down and listen to your children. Maybe we could learn something from them.

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

Reflection

2009-04-22T09:18:00.001-04:00

Reflection, originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

Whatever results you’re getting, be they rich or poor, good or bad, positive or negative, always remember that your outer world is simply a reflection of your inner world. If things aren’t going well in your outer life, it’s because things aren’t going well in your inner life. It’s that simple.

~ T. Harv Eker Quotes

Live like there is no tomorrow.....

2009-04-14T11:36:00.001-04:00

Live like there is no tomorrow....., originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

A very good friend of mine frequents our local cemetery. My husband, George and I saw him leaving there many times. George said “Hey Hon, maybe you should tell Bill his sales would probably increase if he actually prospected where clients are alive.” When I asked Bill about it he said that he goes there for inspiration.

At first I really just didn’t get it. When I think of a cemetery I think all of the horror movies we watched as teenagers. It was a spooky place in my mind that I didn’t care to visit. So much so that I have made it very clear that I wanted to be cremated.

When we are in Florida I run in the mornings. As a result of Bill’s encouragement I run through the Marco Cemetery it is just beautiful. I stop and look at the headstones of people’s loved ones who have passed away. Initially I’ll admit I stopped because I needed a rest from running! But as I wandered around and really thought about each person’s life I found the inspiration that Bill wanted me to experience. There are people who have lived long lives and I would assume many were extremely diversified and fulfilling. Yet I get the most inspiration from the lives that have ended too soon. How can I waste my day when they and their families would do anything to have just one more together? I think of the dreams that they had – the ones that were fulfilled and the ones that died with them.

Today I ask you to consider making your “bucket” list and start living like there is no tomorrow.

Easter Treasures

2009-04-12T11:35:00.001-04:00

Easter Treasures, originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

Easter holds a special place in my heart.

When my husband George and I were younger we thought that we would be DINKs (Dual Income No Kids) forever. There were several times when I realized that my words didn’t match my actions, Easter was one of them. One Easter morning, I found myself hiding Easter “eggs” (actually dog cookies) around the yard for our dog Maverick. It was then that I knew that I wanted children, either that or it was time for me to be committed! So every Easter morning I treasure watching my girls find the Easter Eggs that Peter Cotton Tail left.

Children give you the chance to hand down your family traditions from one generation to another. To be able to relive your childhood through their eyes is such a blessing.

What is not to love…..?
Spring weather, blooming flowers, green grass, family, and traditions. Treasure today with your family.

Hell Yeah Henry Ford !

2009-03-23T13:16:00.004-04:00

"Whether you beleve you can or believe you can't, you are right."

Henry Ford

Make a commitment to yourself today - BELIEVE YOU CAN :)

Are you a Knower or a Learner?

Your KNOWLEDGE that made you succesful in a Seller's Market may be killing your career. Forget what you know and learn to win in a Buyer's Market.

Case in point....... One of my newest agents just received her real estate license. She has finished her fifth week of my Secrets to Success class which is by the way her 5th week as a Realtor.

Her results....... 4 New Listings 3 Buyer Contracts

all in 5 weeks in a "bad" market.

What is the difference? Alicia believes that she will be successful if she puts into action what she has learned.

As an agent you have to believe that buying a home in today's market is beneficial to your Buyers. And you have to learn how to provide your clients with the knowledge that NOW is the time to buy a home by providing solutions to all of their obstacles.

Sit down with your Broker and open up to them. He or she should be able to help pinpoint what link to success is missing in your current plan. More than likely it may be that you just need to Believe in Yourself and apply what your Broker is teaching you.

FEELING DOWN :( Turn that frown upside down – Turn off the News!

2009-03-17T22:52:00.002-04:00

PB&J Otter, originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

Personally I have stopped watching the news. It is downright depressing. There is always some horrible story about a tragic accident, bad economic report, the war, etc. Pay attention to how these outside influences are effecting your disposition. Remember sad sells – happy doesn’t.

So now I watch the Planet Earth DVD’s while I run on the treadmill. What amazing footage has been captured – just breath-taking. So one morning I was watching this funny otter family teasing Mr. Alligator, “Can’t catch me – Can’t catch me”. They were having such a good time. I did actually feel bad for the alligator although not for very long. He swam down the river bank and “snatched a bird right out of a tree”. The footage was a little alarming – not really the positive inspiration that I was looking for. It was then I realized that it is truly the circle of life. What may on the surface appear as a “bad real estate market” is actually just a necessary correction. As my Pop Pop says “Honey what goes up – must come down. It will go back up again but it will also come back down. It is the cycle of life.”
Now I realize that it is my job to counter balance the negative media with the positive that truly exists in the current real estate market. So tune in world – here it comes ……………………………

This is a buyer’s market – which means “NOW is the time to buy”. Don’t let Negative Nellie’s tell you anything different.
Did you know that you can OWN a home with as little as 3.5% down? NO you DO NOT need 20% down.
Did you know that the recent interest rate reduction below 5% increased your buying power by $30,000 on average?
Did you know that you have the best selection of homes available to choose from in years?
Did you know that historically homes double in value every ten years?
Did you know that the government is giving 1st time home buyers an $8,000 tax rebate?
Did you know that with interest and tax write-offs your mortgage payment may actually be a lot less than your rent?

Don’t let fear hold you back. NOW is the time to make your move. I can show you why. So turn off that TV and let’s go find a place you can call HOME :)

Baby Love

2009-02-17T15:11:00.002-05:00

Baby Love B&W w/ red painted heart, originally uploaded by shellsellsac.

Anticipation.........
Wonder...........
New Beginnings............
How can I love another as much as I do you?

Love doesn't divide......... it multiplies.

My precious D'Amico Family treats my girls as their own. It is beautiful watching their family and love grow. I love capturing their memories that I hope they will treasure for a lifetime.

Contact me at www.MichellePhy.com if you would like me to capture your memories too.

If your family is expanding - my team can help you find the home of your dreams. Contact us at www.SeekorSell.com